Spotlight's Glare

As I look at my life, I see the great expanse of jumbled purposes, long-forgotten goals, and good intentions. I pass my days being concerned with the mundane necessities of the here and now, sometimes wrapped in the worry of what's next. I stare blankly at the wasted days, skipped chances, and lost opportunities. I am amazed that here, at 40, I have as good a life as this, seeing as how many poor choices I have made in the past.

And i recollect, on this day, something that I wrote almost too long ago to remember. And when it reappeared as a reply to a friend, it struck me much as it had all those years ago.

"Did you come here to see the show or to sing for us all?"

Not much of a line at first glance, I will admit. But there is depth to it. That phrase has real teeth. Are you just another body sitting idly there in the audience waiting to applaud at just the right moment? Are you going to sit there and smile to your neighbors while they smile back each time something remotely amusing happens up there on the stage? Are you going to wait quietly and patiently (or perhaps be that patron of the venue who cannot be satisfied no matter how fine the seating or how prompt the service) while the players parade themselves across the stage to the amusement of all in attendance? Will you simply drop your long-empty boxes of treats down at your feet and watch hour after hour as the show continues it's progression from will it ever begin to will it never end?

Or will you stand there, before the sheep with your hat on crookedly and your coat tails fraying in the blast-furnace gaze of the expectant crowd and bellow at the top of your lungs a tune that refuses to be carried well? Would you dance awkwardly in the bright light under the great magnifying lens of the masses not caring if they are truly entertained, but rather for your own personal satisfaction? Would you be shamed before the shameless with your petty movements and misunderstood words? Would you risk your own soul for the sake of happiness in the name of creative expression? Would you let your heart be broken by the stares and laughs and taunts of those disapproving members of the audience?

As little as I ever thought I would be admitting this to myself, evidently I came here to sing for you all.