Thursday, December 29, 2011

Wot? Happy Birthday?

Today is a very special day. And since I can... here's the ABC's of Jen!

Jovial and Jesting, a Joker at heart,
Endearingly Energetic, Witty and Smart!
Nicely Naughty at times, And Nerdy to boot,
Neighborly and Nurturing, does that compute?
Interesting, Incredible, and in Indigo, Ideal
Frisky and Flirtatious, Her Funkness is real!
Effervescent and Excellent, a gift from above,
Real, without question, is this woman I love.

Happy Birthday. There is such beauty in you, and I am happy, proud, and honored to be near you.  Cheers to  you, and to the amazing woman you are.  Here's to many more. 


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas


 For the first time in my life, I woke up on Christmas morning physically alone. Not alone in spirit, nor truly alone, but physically. No warm, loving body beside me, no sounds of the Holiday rustling around outside the bedroom door, no children bouncing impatiently to open the Christmas Booty.  Just me, my cat, and a laptop screen.  I should not feel alone, as I am more loved than I have ever been as an adult. I have no real reason to have this wandering through my head, or my heart, but I do.  So I'll deal with it as I do so many other emotions. I'll write.

Maestro, cue the orchestra...

     On this particular Christmas Morning, I have a gift I have not ever had before. Silence. I'll take that gift and use it to reflect. And this morning, I will reflect upon my wishes for all of you.

For those of you with family members serving in the military, I offer you hope that you will see them today, or at least speak with them. When you do, please thank them for me? I would love to shake each of their hands and express my appreciation personally, but since I cannot, please... and thank you for doing so.

For those of you experiencing a first Christmas without a loved one who has passed on this year, I offer you my heartfelt condolences, and the knowledge that comes from experience that it is always going to be difficult if you can't let yourself celebrate in their stead. Keep their memories alive, and honor them by sharing their lives with the world.

For those of you having a difficult Christmas for other reasons - childhood memories, depression, heartbreak, health issues, whatever - please know that I am thinking of you. Not that it should bring you great comfort, but being thought of might help ease just a small bit of that pain.  You are in my heart.

And for all of you, each and every one, I offer you my friendship. It is a gift I can always afford, and I am happy to give to you. Truly happy. You are all a blessing in my life, and I am thankful for being allowed the chance to be a part of yours. You tolerate my ramblings, you shake your head at my antics, and you are there for me when I need someone.  I hope to be there for you.

So, this morning I will raise a mug and toss a handful of glitter in the air. I will let the joys of the season warm me, and I hope it warms all of you. Be with family and friends, and love, love , love.

Merry Christmas friends. I love you all.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

My Father's Doves

Strung about the Christmas Tree
They lie in wait for one short flight
So briefly alighting upon firred boughs
    Daren't blink, lest they be missed
    On their last briefly-seasoned night

Lighted from without you'll see
Internal luminescence dark
No matter, brightly they still glow
    Handle carefully, they are fragile yet
    Before into rest they do embark

Glitter-skinned, no feathers plumed
And years-worn showing through
I see you there, at Christmas time
    Your presence felt through empty space
    Your doves, and I, miss you.

Christmas 2011
In Memoriam 

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Light On Broadway

     Snow fell in a hush as the brightly-colored lights danced off the dropping flakes. The streets were greasy black, frozen in the pre-dawn cold., and barren except for the scant few stragglers still out and about from the previous night's merry-making. The city was alive in it's silence, and a lone figure moved gracefully from one streetlight to the next with an elegance unnoticed by anyone else. He was tall, broad across the shoulders, but with a classic form. He was ancient, and at peace with the night.  He was Angus MacRae and he was a vampire.  He had walked these streets for a very, very long time, and tonight he moved with a purpose.  He had a gift to deliver.

He stood at the door. It was plain and unremarkable for such a beautiful building. Angus loved 71 Broadway. It was built in 1897 and had remained largely unchanged since. Here now at his destination on the 12th floor, he slowed his breathing and smiled slightly, crookedly. He had done this so many times before, and each time he filled with joy. A simple pleasure for a kindness unseen.  Angus closed his eyes and stepped through the locked door.

The apartment was dark, illuminated only by the dim glow of the few colored lights adorning the thin tree standing precariously in the corner. He sniffed deeply, taking the scent of pine into his famished lungs, and smiled again.  Christmas was truly one of his favorite times of year.  One of the saddest, as well, but still, he held onto the memories of the previous gifts he had delivered so many times before on the Eve of the day celebrated by so many in the city.  He shifted, and turned to see her standing there, as they so often do. A tiny child, waifish and sleepy-eyed. The smile warmed on Angus' face, and his eyes beamed.  The child's bald head still had the marks from where the pillow had wrinkled and bunched against the tender skin. Her eyes widened slightly as she began to grasp at the possibilities of the situation. "Dear child..." Angus began, filling the girl with his Command Voice, heard only by her, and calming her entirely. "Come closer, my sweet..."

"Are you, no... of course not... he's not real..."
"Am I Santa Clause? No, dear. I'm not. I'm real, and I have a gift for you"
"What do you have for me? Mom said there would not be presents this year, that the treatment was too expensive..." the little girl absentmindedly touched her head, stroking a scar there...
"Oh, your mother was not entirely wrong, there won't be presents for her. But you, my love, YOU have one coming to you.  Would you like to have it?  I promise it will make your mother happy as well, even if she doesn't yet understand..." Angus allowed his mind to wander back to the first time he saw this little thing, and remembered her struggling to carry her tiny backpack into the hospital. He had seen her around the streets, her illness taking it's toll, and her mother struggling more and more to make ends meet as the disease progressed as resisted treatment after treatment.  He listened in when the doctors told her mother that the prognosis was not positive, and treatment could realistically be suspended at any time in order to improve her quality of life.  Her mother had wept, hard. Night after night Angus heard the tears streaming down her face, over her tender skin.  He chose this young girl this year, simply because he wanted to.  She deserved this gift, and her mother would be able to finally begin healing her broken, work-weary heart.

"Yes, please.  But who are you?" the girl asked, her eyes clearing of the Voice that Angus placed there.

"My name is Angus MacRae. I am a Vampire. I am here because your mother asked for help, pleaded for it, and when I asked her if I was welcome in her home someday, she said I was as long as I could help her.  So here I am. I am going to give you something very special.  You will not understand it for a long time, but I am going to ask you one time my dear, and only one time.  Would you like to never have to go to the hospital again?"

The girl started, and looked puzzled. She had many questions, but the most important one came out first, "You are really a vampire?"

"I am."

"And you want to help me?  Don't vampires want to eat people?"

"I do not need to explain further than this is my choice" Angus replied, firmly, but not in anger. He'd heard this before, and anticipated the next question. "And no, I am not going to make you a vampire like me. I will change you, for certain, but you will not need to feed upon the blood of innocents or any such nonsense."

"Are you English?"

The question actually caught Angus off guard.  He grinned again, laughed a bit, and said "No, my dear. I'm Scottish"

"So what will you do to me?  Kill me?  Kill us all?"

"No. And again, do you want this gift?"

The girl shifted her weight from foot to foot.  She looked down and said "Of course I do..."

Angus was on her in a flash. He drew her soul to the surface, staring into her eyes. He felt her drift away, falling helplessly into the black behind her eyelids. He opened his mouth, and sunk his fangs into her neck, the skin so soft and delicate that he had to be very careful of the wound lest he tear her open completely. He drank deeply, feeling her approach death, feeling her heart struggle to beat against his will.  He allowed the gift to begin, felt the power in himself, felt the light in the girl's soul. He waited for the moment and then released the power from his grasp, felt her shudder and die. And he smiled again.  Woefully, he remembered his first love, dying and helpless at the time.  He felt the warmth of a thousand fires fill his own spirit, felt the joy of giving swell inside him.  He carried her limp body back to her bed, and covered her to the neck.  He placed a small bell near her head, and left, silently, as he had come.

This year, this child would be spared from death.  Her mother would wake to find a whole being, rather than a sick and dying one.  This year, a mother would find faith in her prayers, and would never again weep tears for the death of her child.  And years later, that beautiful child would grow and remember one very special Christmas.  She would never tell anyone of the vampire, and would always carry a love for that dark creature until she parted this lifetime.

And when she did, Angus was there again. Holding her hand.  Allowing her to remember each and every Christmas from their first meeting to their last. He would celebrate her lifetime, one he made possible with that wondrous gift so many years ago. He would embrace her, an ease her passing with a kiss and a single word...


And the vampire would weep again.

Humming A Few Bars...

Towards the sky, my eyes lift
Into the empty blue
I remember your scented skin
I remember you
I see your smile from my warm embrace
While the air was cold
I listened as your voice sung songs
I listened to stories told
I feel your lips upon my slumbering skin 
Thick with love and dreams
I know what we want to share
I know what all this means
Coming again not soon enough
Your hand I long to feel
The presence of my love afar
The presence that makes it real

And yet once more, I turn to see 
A smiling, loving face
Again my heart is filled with joy
Again we do embrace
I missed you so while I was elated
My heart turned round and round
Wanting you with empty arms
Wanting you in tears I drowned
Two loves upon a leaping heart
One missed as one returns
Reveals the ebb and flow of us
Reveals what my heart learns
Day by day love marches on
Into the unknown start
Understanding more each passing day
Understanding the love in our heart


Another goodbye, another hello, and another time for reflection.  It's not easy, my friends.  It's far more difficult than one could imagine, but it is worth all the effort to be allowed to love these be allowed that incredible gift.  

Such wonders exist in the depths of one's heart. Such amazing places.  I cannot express enough how perfectly loved my heart is, and how painful it can be to miss each love in turn. Easier to pick one, you might say.  I counter that the pain is worth it if the reward is the love of amazing, powerful, independent, and beautiful women the likes of which I challenge anyone to equal. These hearts are jewels, treasures each. They deserve to be heralded with trumpets and angels singing their names aloud. Such beauty and grace in each, such incredible tenderness, compassion, and understanding.  These are women worthy of gifts untold. These are women brave enough to withstand the doubt of the undiscovered, and bold enough to blaze a path unseen by so many.  

I love you both so very much.  

There is more to this song... I just need to find the right melody. 

(image was found here: