A Promised Musing

So the dance began with aplomb and gusto
All twirling and swinging of hips
She wheeled and gathered her dress from her ankles
A smile ablaze on her lips

Kicking her heels and dipping her shoulders
And Blowing a kiss to the boys
Who watched from the circle ringing her sways
And calling and cooing their joys

Ebbing and flowing as she presses the crowd
Then drags them back to her close
Her heart leaps up as the strangers cheer on
Her fear remains but a ghost

As the music crescendos in her hungry bare ears
She bows to those gathered around
Her dress hanging low, her skin damp with a fame
That glitters her brow like a crown

The sun rising high and bright in the sky
She drags her spent body to bed
She laughs at herself for her long-vanished fears
And wonders for what she held dread

A dreaming muse sleeps in silent sweet slumber
Grinning with no fear or remorse
Her dreaming mind visits the bravery she bared
Her life upon a new course

9-30-10
For Gina

Roku

A small row boat floats lazily along in the long, golden beams of sunlight. The crisp air smells of apples and leaves, while the constant lapping of the water sooths away the remainder of the day.

"So, is this how it is going to be?" I asked. I really didn't want to hear the answer, but I needed to. If for nothing else, to know once and for all.

"Yes" She answered, "It is. It has to be."

My heart pounds in my chest like the rap-rap-rapping of some crazed man trying to send a message to nonexistent neighbors in a long-abandoned tenement house. I can feel it building in my throat, my pulse screaming at me from just under my right ear. "I... I.... I can't believe it. Are you sure?"

The little wooden boat spins poetically around, unanchored and free in the confines of the lake. I look at her face, her neck, her hair... all glowing more beautifully in the afternoon sun. The curve of her collarbone dragging me back to stolen glances under the moonlight so long ago. Her eyes dance along the edge of the boat, searching for purchase in the graceful transitions in wood. She leans to one side, then the other, less uncomfortable than she seems, but looking the part for the moment.

A pause. Her decadent lips part... my heart slows to a single beat in each millennium...

"No." She says.

My heart becomes as stone, ready to slip into the waters and weigh me down until I can no longer hold my breath, and I become another purchase for the denizens of the lake to grow and feed upon until my bones return to the dust they are made of.

"No, of course I am not sure. But I feel it is right. And that is as good as I can ever answer you. "

I feel it begin... the closing of the darkness that will wrap my heart in the eternal black forever. "But we said... well we promised... and now this? This is where we stand? I gave you my heart, I gave you my soul. I gave you everything I knew how to give. And now you tell me you can't and won't? You tell me there is no way? Why not? WHY NOT?" I could feel them now, the tears. Building up inside me, begging for release. But I deny them, and swallow them back down.

"Because it just is. I cannot explain it and do not wish to. I have nothing more to say except take me back."

And there it ends. I began to row slowly and evenly... the little wooden boat cutting a vicious wound in the stillness of the lake's surface. Her gaze away from mine. Until we reach the shore and she stands, placing one foot firmly on the rock...my heart begins to fall from my chest...


I sat upright in the darkness of our bedroom, sweating and trembling. She lay there like an undisturbed angel, still covered in the sheet. I rubbed my temples, and felt her place a hand sleepily on my back. "You ok? What's wrong?" she asks, the sleep still heavy in her voice.

"Bad dream" I answer.

"You want to tell me?" she asks distantly, slipping quickly back to the void.

"No. Just a bad dream. All gone now."

She moves under the sheet, and my eyes feast on her covered form, my heart beating steadily now. "OK. I love you, baby. Goodnight."

With those simple words, the world falls back into line, and the nightmares go back to their pits, and I lie beside her now, holding her against me in the night.

"And I love you, woman."


9-25-10
Six years.

Recently Released

Since my Muse seems to be dragging her feet, and has decided that she'd rather go bowling than give me a hand here, I figure I'd put some stuff here that I have posted in the past on FB. SO, without further fanfare or delay... here's a couple from the recent past.

-----------------------------------
"The Siren's Love

Wit' a daisy on me collar
And a fair and favorin' breeze
I set out upon the ocean
I set out upon the sea

Me heart so safely packed
Me soul given away
I think about the woman
Who says goodbye to me t'day

An' I look out upon the water
An' I look back upon he dock
An' I smile a sailor's smile
An' I hear a ticking clock

The time is growin' short
The twilight is growin' long
An' the boys are doin' work
Then I hear that siren's song

That calls me to the rocks
An' promises me a smile
From the crashes of the waves
The deep fathoms and long miles

There upon the shore
A beauty beckons me
A ray of burning hope
A love of the raging sea

end
6-1-10"


-----------------------------------

I saw the sun today
and the wind in my face
and a sweet caring voice
took me back to a place
where I was a child
and you were my friend
and we promised to love
till the bitter end
and my dreams were not dark
and my cares were still free
and it was just us
a you and a me

-----------------------------------

Seems my Muse has been awakened.
Good friends and kind words go farther than can be expected.
The truth and honesty give us wings.
Dreams and Hope teach us to fly.
Love takes us away. ♥

-----------------------------------

Until next time...
Fare-thee-well.

Dungeon Crawl

black and sinuous the creature was
a silken fist of raging hate
working through the twisting dungeon
eyes like flame and jaws agape

our heroes spent within the earth
after dangers beaten back
binding wounds and mending limbs
they heard the jaws begin to smack

with venom dangerous and vile
dripping open-mouthed and rank
the creature flashed it's eyes of red
and crashed into the party's flank

swords were drawn and wands revealed
clerics prayed and thieves did skulk
the bravest leapt into the fray
to beat this dangerous lumbering hulk

back into the darkest depths
the creature slank and edged away
sizing up the party's faults
preparing to return and scrape and slay

under watchful eyes of stone
the party slept and rested deep
and one by one in slumberous haze
dozing made them grain to reap

the dark shape it came in glistening fury
unto the quiet group of men
slashing claws and baring fang
the party met it's gory end

with hunger slaked and thirst appeased
the demon rested in it's lair
no story to be told of them
no tale to weave of men lost there

Starlight

We lie together under a field of black dotted with the light of countless stars

Separated by a distance measured in lifetimes and innumerable branching paths

Never able to be crossed, never able to feel each other’s embrace

Alone under the same sky

While a tear rolls from my eye to crash upon my cheek like waves upon a rocky shore

I wonder if you share the same sadness and the unbearable solitude in the depths of your heart

I wish with all I am that you do not, for I love you

I wonder across the great expanse of space and time wondering if you do as well

But I cannot hold hope for that truth

For I am alone in the dark, surrounded by my life

Dreaming under the sky of your eyes

Three Little Words

A lifetime spent searching
For less than a moment's span
Of another's lips or eyes or touch
To hint at the truth hidden beneath
Just a breath in an eternity
For those words that weigh so heavy
On the heart, or on the page, or on your face
From a tremble, a glancing brush

Look into the depths
Search for the space between
And hope for those words
Those Three Little Words
Waiting to burst from your mouth
To crash upon the aural penetralia like eagles
Locked in a lover's embrace
And falling to earth, never knowing that the moment has come too late

Wait...
I Love You

Can you hear my heart?

Fair in eye
Kind in heart
Deep as the oceans blue
Lips so red
Skin so fair
My love all this is true

Through times long past
And futures yet
And here and nows to be
I have loved you then
And love you still
For you mean the world to me

You cannot know
My secrets dark
When alone I be
In dawn or night
When closed my eyes
'Tis your face I see


Sometimes, it is love for the sake of love that drives Passion. And Passion can express our deepest secrets openly upon our faces, even when the crowds press in upon us and make our breath short in our chests and dry upon our lips. Look deeply, and you might see yourself in the mirror of my eyes. Watch closely, and you might catch a glimpse of a secret that should not be given away so easily. Was that your cheek I felt in the darkness, just there? Why was it wet, my dear?

Dream of the Raven's Gate

I there anything sweeter in life than to travel with your eyes filled with the future, your hands held with care, your heart filled with love, and adventure yet to come?

I don't think so either.



Monday.


The rain soaked the world outside my window as I lay in the bed wondering how long I had until the alarm finally screamed at me from the bedside table. It was still raining when I rolled over to turn the still-silent clock off, and when I fell back to sleep in the pre-dawn darkness. That same darkness crept slowly across my bedroom and perched atop my dreaming brow.

"Wake up, child" It hissed And I opened my eyes on the far side of a familiar landscape clutching the Silver Key. I choked and gasped, but the dream held me and began to grow beyond the initial musings.

"Where am I?"
"Here, Child"
"Where? And who are you?" I demanded of the unseen voice. "What am I doing here?"
"A dream, Child. Your dream. And you hold the Great Key in your grasp. A treasure many would kill for" The menacing hiss dragged me along deeper into the spawning world around me. Hedges, rolling fields, intricate iron gates, each feature growing out of the nothingness that was before. My eyes brightened with the realization that this was MY world, and I could make it anyway I wanted.

...continued

Going, Going, Going...

The Fortieth Death

I was greeted this morning
by stretched golden rays
and a crisp taste in the air
of closing summer days

no more shall the leaves of green
grasp to swaying limbs
no more will calling frogs
enthrall us with hymns

e'er slowly the winter creeps
into the setting sun
and the chilly morning air
becomes autumns new spokesman

so i say my fare-thee-wells
and i wish for it not to end
but another summer's gone
goodbye my graceful friend

9-2-2010



Each year, I get to enjoy insomnia as the seasons blend into one another. It is usually worst at the Winter/Spring and Summer/Autumn transitions, but it was pretty bad going from Spring to Summer this year as well. There is a certain amount of darkness that drags itself into my life when this happens, and it becomes harder and harder to sleep soundly and sleep enough. But this was the first year (go figure, it only took me 40 to notice this) that I saw the mornings really have a significant color change to that beautiful golden glow. It is so beautiful, and yet causes me so much dread for the coming winter.

Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the winter sports (yay hockey!), and seeing the kids have themselves a jolly good time out there in the white stuff, but it's not my favorite time of year. Oh sure, I get to play Snowblower Man and Snowplow Man (With my 45-year-old garden tractor, no less!), and I guess it is OK that the drive to work can be a little more interesting, but the days are so short, and the darkness outside claws it's way into my heart and finds a permanent home.
But I suppose that Darkness is just better for writing.

Spotlight's Glare

As I look at my life, I see the great expanse of jumbled purposes, long-forgotten goals, and good intentions. I pass my days being concerned with the mundane necessities of the here and now, sometimes wrapped in the worry of what's next. I stare blankly at the wasted days, skipped chances, and lost opportunities. I am amazed that here, at 40, I have as good a life as this, seeing as how many poor choices I have made in the past.

And i recollect, on this day, something that I wrote almost too long ago to remember. And when it reappeared as a reply to a friend, it struck me much as it had all those years ago.

"Did you come here to see the show or to sing for us all?"

Not much of a line at first glance, I will admit. But there is depth to it. That phrase has real teeth. Are you just another body sitting idly there in the audience waiting to applaud at just the right moment? Are you going to sit there and smile to your neighbors while they smile back each time something remotely amusing happens up there on the stage? Are you going to wait quietly and patiently (or perhaps be that patron of the venue who cannot be satisfied no matter how fine the seating or how prompt the service) while the players parade themselves across the stage to the amusement of all in attendance? Will you simply drop your long-empty boxes of treats down at your feet and watch hour after hour as the show continues it's progression from will it ever begin to will it never end?

Or will you stand there, before the sheep with your hat on crookedly and your coat tails fraying in the blast-furnace gaze of the expectant crowd and bellow at the top of your lungs a tune that refuses to be carried well? Would you dance awkwardly in the bright light under the great magnifying lens of the masses not caring if they are truly entertained, but rather for your own personal satisfaction? Would you be shamed before the shameless with your petty movements and misunderstood words? Would you risk your own soul for the sake of happiness in the name of creative expression? Would you let your heart be broken by the stares and laughs and taunts of those disapproving members of the audience?

As little as I ever thought I would be admitting this to myself, evidently I came here to sing for you all.