My Advice to You is to Get Married

I wrote this for my niece and her husband on their wedding day. I hope you all enjoy it...





"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher"
-Socrates.

When I was asked to speak, I thought to my self, "No Problem". Then I found that I HAD a problem. I could easily write yet another poem full of the typical clichés one often hears in these readings, or I could
simply stand here in front of all of you and make fun of the "Happy Couple". But as I wrote, I kept falling into those traps. If you've ever written anything, you'll know exactly what I am talking about. If you've never written anything at all, I suggest you try.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

No, huh? Well then, moving along...

Months ago, I heard an interview with Barbara Walters regarding her memoir. It was entitled "Audition" and I thought that it would make a fantastic nugget for a speech having ANYTHING to do with Jennifer. But then there's Josh. Did HE ever audition for anything? I didn't know. So I waited for that certain inspiration. That magical Fornit that would come and guide my hand with this rapidly-approaching task I had been given. The Muse never arrived.

So I was back to an audition. And I considered that every day could be an audition for some people, couldn't it? They slap on their makeup, deal with wardrobe, then hit the stage. After putting on the best performance they are able to, it's back to the trailer (metaphorically, that is- Jennifer).

And, taking that one step further isn't today the biggest audition of the happy couple's life so far? I never considered it at the time, but my second wedding certainly went off better than a well-rehearsed stage production by some low-rent production house (Forgetting the part where the appointed, er, 'volunteered' photographer locked his keys in the car. Oh, and the part where I thought maybe the Horse was going to pitch my new bride. Anyway, I digress).

So, Jennifer, Joshua, esteemed members of the audience here in attendance, I present to you my speech.

I watched my niece grow from a wobbly infant into a wobbly adult. I watched her travel through adolescence, a time I like to call "The Putrid Stage", and what is termed "adultolescence", and it seems that she just
might be all grown up. Well, as far as the Little Mermaid constitutes "Grown Up", that is. As for josh, I didn't watch him do much of anything except provide me with an inspiration for asking "What the hell ever happened to my comic books", unless you count making my niece happy as doing something. And I do. And there, my friends, is the cause of this whole mess: These two people making each other happy.

A very dear friend of mine once told me during a very dark time that life is too short to be unhappy. I offer to both of you on your very special day that no truer words were ever uttered. So be happy. Even if it means that others may not approve of your choices, be happy. Even if it makes no sense at the time, be happy. Discover for yourselves what makes the two of you work, be happy. When you argue, really argue and be honest about your feelings, and then when all is said and done, be happy. Listen to all the advice you will be given, yes, even this, and run it through the filter. Process accordingly and take with a full glass of water and a grain of salt. When you decide for yourself what advice you will keep, be happy. See the common thread here? Be Happy. If I had a two-by-four handy, I'd write it in big black letters and hit you both over the head with it. Be Happy! It's important to a relationship, and it should be important to you.

Are you all still with me? Does anyone disagree? I didn't think so.

And we are on the home stretch here.

Josh, I ask that you keep making my niece happy. And I want you to practice those magic words for all of us on this side of the fence. "I'm NOT Going to Do What You Want". Please try to remember that the phrase does not include the words "right now" as you had previously stated.

Jennifer, I ask that you give Josh a chance to do it wrong. Sometimes your way might not be the only way, although I know that doesn't have much weight coming from a man.

As I close my "Sentimental Moment", I'd like to lightly point out that there was a person in my family that should have been here to share this day. Jenifer, you know how much Poppy would have loved to see you walk down that aisle on your father's arm. And you know how proud he would have been of the Child your parents raised. Give him a single breath of thought, and share some of him with your new husband, if you would.

Best of Luck to you both.

Like a soft breeze blowing 'cross my face

You cool me and love me

Your caress against my skin flutters my heart

And moves the sky into your eyes

Forever

8-16-08