On Hardness and Temper

It's been a busy week.  One of my commutes was in the neighborhood of 3 hours long, and I believe my total for the week was just shy of 16 hours in the car which, to me even, seems a bit much for a non-vacation total. But such is life.

I was lucky enough to see Stephen King speak at Tsongas Arena in Lowell, MA on Friday. Mr. King is someone who has been with me for long enough to say that I can't remember a time when he really wasn't. From age 9 or so, he's been in my life in one way or another. And I finally had the chance to see him speak in a very casual setting that was appropriate for his conversational style. He suffered an interview for about half of an hour before sharing a deliciously "King" short story never seen before called "Afterlife". The following Q&A was fun, but short as these things tend to be, and the night was generally a great success.

The one rub was Andre Dubus III.

Introduced as "bestselling author of 5 books, and professor at UMass Lowell's English department", he wore his shirt open, collar wide, and his glasses low on his nose. At one point my impression was of Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice, but that might elevate this commentary to full on bashing if I say that too loudly. In any case, he was more "Look at ME" than respectful of Mr. King. There was some familiarity between them as King had been part of a benefit for AD III's dad years ago, but even that felt forced and insincere. The camera used to send the stage video up to the jumbotron spent a lot of time on him early on, even when Mr. King was responding to the banter, and in my cynical, steeled eye I wondered to myself if he had mentioned something to the camera operators before the show. He was CO-SPONSOR of the event, you know.

But the rub, the abrasive, grating rub came when  Andre's forced laughter loomed thick behind Mr. King's comfortable voice. Stephen King welcomes you in to his home, he sits you down in the front room and helps make you comfortable before sharing his words with you. He receives you as an old friend and treats you with respect and honesty before plunging headlong into the story he shares with you. It's one of the endearing qualities of King's work that drew me in so long ago. His writes his introductions just for you, the reader.  I didn't truly expect his voice to have the same cadence and delivery when reading a story. I'm not sure what I was really expecting, but it was a lovely surprise that he read as I heard his voice in my head so often. But there, on cue like an actor in some horrible B movie, was Andre Dubus III's forced chuckle over and over again. Like a laugh track to Mr. King's auditory feast. His head leaned forward, his eyes closed, then, at the exactly right moment, he would throw his head back and laugh.

It's Stephen King, not Cracked Magazine for fuck's sake.

But there is was. Over and over, that laugh. I thought to myself later that King might actually put that into one of his books at some point. It seemed like one of those habits that a King character would have, so I'm going to keep my eyes open for it.


This leads me to look into my own life.
I've been a little less upbeat lately. I've been a bit more of my darker self. Edgier, grumpier. Less positive about things. I've let it creep in bit by bit. It's the commute, I think, or at least partly. I want to get home. I want to just get the fuck home and be able to unwind from my day, but I can't every night. Even when I'm South, my 32 minute commute becomes upwards of an hour. And that sucks.
It'll get better. I will make sure it does. I will accept that the traffic is what it is going to be. I'll dig out some books on tape and listen. I'll record my stories on tape or something and type them up later. I'll try. I can't be that guy again.

Not again.

To those who I impact with my negativity, I'm sorry.
Time to get back on the stick, as someone I love says.

And did anyone get the metal reference in the title? Just wondering.