The Feast of Samhain

Autumn blooms
the wheel goes 'round
into the darkness
we are bound
in solemn gait
the veil lies thin
this world and theirs
this Feast begins

To all those who celebrate something greater than just dragging the kids around to get candy from the neighbors, I offer you a warm, honest, and deeply meant 'Blessed Samhain'. To my family, East and West, I offer my heart, and I wish for the day when all of those I care for are at peace with the dead. Last night, I sat with my West coast family and ate well. We brought memories to a table together, and laughed as much as reminisced. It was beautiful in it's simplicity, and it was so good to sit with these people I call brothers, and sister, and nephew.  It was a joy to bring my long-time traditions to a new family.

I love you all.

And I miss those only able to be here, at our table, in spirit.

And to my family back East, you were here as well.  I kept you close to my heart, each of you, and shared the night.  My friends, my sister and brother, my niece and nephews, my mother. All those I cannot or did not name, YOU were here, with me, as you are all part of me.

The Feast of Samhain awaits.

My love to you.

Blessed Be!

(Image is Snap Apple Night by Daniel Maclise 1833)

Another Flight

I fly West. The Airbus A320 carries me and my bags toward the setting sun once again, and my day becomes 27 hours. I don't mind, since I am streaking along at about 450 mph. It's exhilarating, as you all know, that rush of the takeoff...the way the multi-ton airframe pivots so delicately on it's wing tips...I love it all.

I also love that my life has become more interesting as of late.  If you read this blog, you know how I live, and it is so freeing to be able to begin working towards a future with those I love.  Slowly, with a light step -  but it IS movement forward.  It's so beautiful to experience trust and honesty at such a high level.  It feels so right to be able to see relationships blossom through hard work, and faith that it can work well as long as communication remains open. Love blossoms again, and hope springs forth, bringing with it the chance to be loved again as never before, and never as imagined.

Here's to goodbyes and homecomings.  Here's to kindness and understanding. Here's to new beginnings and second chances on love.

Huzzah!

Holding those I love close to me with open hands, I fly West.  And I have both a kiss goodbye and a kiss hello waiting on each side of this flight.  How perfect is that?

<3 <3

Serenade

Beautiful the hourglass before me
Pale by moon's soft light
Caressed in gentle stroking
Curves bring eyes delight
An' in the morn by sunlight
Kiss'd in blissful song
Stroking sleep-soft shoulders
My heart aching, longs.
For love is the grace of pleasure
Being held by caring arms
Trapped happily in your gaze
I surrender to your charms

To Remember

It seems so very long ago that my father died.  Cancer took him from us without mercy or kindness or understanding.  It took him from my mother's side, from our family's table, and from our children's lives forever.  It didn't ask if it would be okay, nor did it send us a little note after we buried him saying it was sorry for the chain of events that led up to him departing this world.

Cancer just fucking killed him.

We have memories, and we tell his stories, some of which still make ALL of us laugh out together - the Swedish Chef, Marie bring me a trash bag, his painting adventures, all the junk that the man drove around in, and so many others.  Without question, someone brings him to the table for our annual Samhain Dumb Supper, where we honor our dead. We talk about him, and we notice the holes he left in our lives when he left.  We all miss him...each of us in our own way, and we all think about him whenever we gather for the holidays.  Now, understand that the man was not the model of healthy living. He smoked cigarettes and drank coffee like a truck driver (well, actually he WAS a truck driver for most of my life, but that's sort of beside the point here). He didn't frequent doctor's offices much, either, which might have been a factor in his death. He really didn't take very good care of himself at all.

BUT

He took good care of us.  We didn't learn a lot about saving for the future, nor about making good career choices, or even about being open-minded. Instead he taught us about caring for the children, about seeing that there was fun in life, and that his family could actually have that.  He was a loving man without the emotional vocabulary to fully express it.  But he loved us, all of us, and wanted us all to have a better life than he ever had.  And so, we did.  But sadly, we had to live it without him.

I remember my father, as he would have appreciated, and I miss him.

Robert O. LaBelle
10.14.1946 - 8.10.1993

Little Kindnesses

When I was a younger man, a dear friend of mine did something extraordinary. Let me share the story with you...

Somewhere in the late spring of 1986, I came down with Strep Throat.  It fell upon me, as it usually does, with a high fever and those really awful body aches. I spent some time in bed.  On this certain day, I opened my eyes late in the morning to see my wonderful friend sitting by my bedside, reading his book (Very well might have been Harlan Ellison's Deathbird Stories, but I can't be completely sure of that), and waiting patiently for me to rise.  He had ditched school to be there with me. My mother would check in from time to time and I would dreamily hear him tell her that I was okay and no, he didn't want something to eat.  It was incredibly selfless of him to do this for me, and I cherish the memory of that act.  I also use it as a guidepost to how to treat others.

We are long-grown now, but I still see him and we are still fast friends, close and comfortable - the way good friendships should be.  But I still carry the impact of that act with me through life, and I recognize the importance of those things, those little kindnesses that we can give so freely and cost us nothing except maybe a few moments out of our own lives.  Things like listening, and being someone that others can count on in times of need, and being a shoulder when things are really tough. Simple things like cornering someone at a party and making sure that they are really as okay as they say.  A cup of coffee with a friend, or even just a text message to say good morning.  These things we can do add a richness to our relationships with others, and sometimes open up conversations that reveal more of a person than they would have ever dared show to you.  Life should be about being good to the people you care about, don't you think?

And besides, sometimes sitting quietly while a sick friend sleeps is more rewarding than anything.

<3 <3

I see the stars still shine
And the moon still hangs
I see the blue skies
And the Sunshine
Why didn't you tell me that the hurt would never go away?

I see the seas still rise
And the tide comes in
I see the harbors still full
And the docks still float
Why didn't you tell me that the hurt would never go away?

I see my life moving forward
And adventures anew
I see paths never taken
And destinations unknown
Why didn't you tell me that the hurt would never go away?

I feel the distance ever growing
And the familiar fading away
I see new faces where we used to stand
And I miss you

8-16-11


(note: Found this in the list of posts still listed as draft.  Seems okay to post it now...)

Still Twisting by the Pool...

Yeah.  So I get asked a lot of questions sometimes about Polyamory.  This is not so much a surprise to me, since this really does fall far beyond the boundaries of what people consider 'normal', but sometimes the questions seem more like punctuated statements than questions.  I got a peach of one today.

"So why do this?  Just to prove to yourself that it can be done?"

(I'll leave the byline off, since that's not important, but I will grant full credit if the questioner would like it...)

Good one, huh? So where do I begin?

• I do this, I love like this, because I can.  
• I love like this because it is rewarding and beautiful to those who understand and appreciate the choices. 
• I love like this because I can bring love to more than just a single soul.  
• I love like this because I can lift others up without feeling guilty that I am letting anyone else down.  
• I love like this because there are beautiful souls needing to be cared for, appreciated, and loved.  I have enough love to go around, nobody I care for is getting slighted, and it feels damned good to do it.  
• I love like this because love is one of those wonderful elements that you end up with more of if you keep giving it away.  
• I love like this because, well, because I choose to.  The people I am involved with get complete honesty from me about what is going on, and I get complete honesty from them just the same.  It's difficult at times, but there are hurdles in every relationship, and honestly, it just feels right.  
• I love like this because I think it's a beautiful thing. 

As I have said before, it certainly isn't for everyone, and the hurdles can seem insurmountable when viewed from the perspective of a traditional relationship, but they can be bested with work and love, love, love. Not forcing anything helps greatly, as well (It's a very difficult thing to try and fit a puzzle together if the Polaroid has not yet fully developed yet), and making sure that each person gets what is important to them whenever possible goes miles towards showing their importance. 

In the end, it takes patience, understanding, and maybe a little bit of luck in finding the right combination of people, circumstances, and emotional desire to make it work best.  

And I am feeling very, very lucky.  

<3 <3

My dear Gina said something about how I love today that made me smile an awful lot. She said, "Most people will walk past that tiny little flower growing in a crack of the sidewalk and never even notice it at all.  You stop, lift it up, admire it's beauty, it's tenacious spirit, tell it how perfect an example to others it is, and point it out to the rest of the world.  You let that flower shine to all others."

I was totally flattered by this, of course, but I accept that I TRY to do this for people.  I TRY to make them feel as important as they deserve to feel.  Isn't that worth doing?  Isn't that what we should all try to do for others?  

Love each other.  It's important. 

Wordsmith

The brass'd clock thrice turned in endless glory
When at last time in march began to sing
Two voices, harmony, tell a story
Unexpectedly love blooms in the Spring

As the Western sky calls the heart away
From the comforts of the unrealized home
To begin anew and live for today
Learn'd from tenderness one's ne'er alone

With hope in the guise of newly found joy
Eyes opened to possibilities new
Spoke in the dark with a whispering voice
Deep into her scented hair "I Love You"

You taught me to love as free as a bird
You changed my life with that magical word

Shortly After

Countless stars in the sky with names unknown

There are mountains mysterious and lost

Wonders my eyes will not ever be shown

But I will love you no matter the cost

Fathoms beneath the tumultuous Sea

Miles above in the Heavens so fair

I embrace your heart. kind, caring, and free

And encourage you to be brave and dare

A beauty beyond a mere mortal gleam

Cloudless skies no comparative measure 

Brighter than church bells pealed loudly in dreams

Her bright smile a grandiose pleasure

Impossible for these words to capture

My amazing love brings me to rapture 

Illusion

Red in the sky
Heart on the ground
Hands held in love
To those I have bound

Kisses from lips
A tender sweet touch
Joys in my heart
I love them so much

Watching the sky
For a shooting star
Warm in the eyes
Of love near and far

The black bird beholds
A Dryad in green
A Star from the sky
Things are more than they seem