Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Twisting by the Pool

Polyamory  \ˌpä-lē-ˈa-mə-rē\
The state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time
---
I wonder how many people would be happier if they were able to move freely from one relationship to another? Rather than having divorce after divorce, and homes broken into splintered camps for the sake of whatever nonsensical paradigm holds us fast, I wonder if being free to love would change the world? I'm pretty sure it would, since I know that it made a huge difference in MY life, although accepting that this was actually a real alternative was very difficult at first.  Let's be honest here, I mean how does this even seem like a possibility?  In a society so monogamous and enslaved to a paradigm where we consider our hearts property, it sounds wrong  to consider loving another if they make you happy. But it is a real choice.  The "And" rather than the "Or" when dealing with love...being able to honestly say "I love you" to more than just a single person and meaning it completely.  It's freeing, and I think that in this world of ever-failing marriages, having an alternative is a good thing. Holding someone close to you, but not smothering them or expecting them to change for you.  Letting them be who they are as you love them.

Finding what we need in others is damned nice.  Finding comfort, understanding, passion, creativity, or sometimes even just a hand to hold... these things we crave emotionally... it is wonderful and rewarding.  To have this with more than one person is truly amazing. Especially when it is in a Polyamorous situation rather than some back-alley thing - Openly, honestly, and completely above boards. And being Poly does not mean sex with everyone you see.  Quite the contrary, actually.  It's about the relationship more than anything else. It's about finding emotionally rewarding situations and being free and open enough to take advantage of them.  And it is most certainly not a new name for swinging.  It's about love, and caring.  It's about kindness and joy.  It's about listening and being heard. And it is SO wonderful. It is adding rather than replacing.  Realizing that it is possible, and wonderful, to love many is, itself, liberating, but being honest and open with all involved can be scary as hell, and has the potential to hurt no matter the intention.  It happens, and it gets dealt with, and we move on.  Those discussions are sometimes not for the weak of heart, but you really find out who you are.

As Harlan Ellison wrote: "Why does he tell us this?"  I tell you this so you understand.  I tell you this so my life can be open and free, without the need for excuses.  This is who I am.  I am not ashamed of it, I am not going to suddenly wake up tomorrow and be cured.  This is part of my wiring.  It has taken me a long time to not only accept this, but to even discover that this can be a very wonderful thing.  Something else I have learned is that there is plenty of love to go around. 

Plenty.


Addendum
9.7.2011

Something I didn't mention, but should talk about, is about how it is incredibly rewarding to be so trusted and loved in this way.  I will be the first to tell you that it most certainly is a considerable amount of work. More work than I have ever put into any relationship.  But it truly is worth it.  To feel this close, this cared about, and to be able to care for others so much, well...it's fantastic.  One of the emotional wonders of the human experience. 


 

1 comment:

  1. I will step up to the mike, too. I have never had so WHOLE a relationship as this one. I have grown SO MUCH as a human being by being present here, learning to communicate and be honest about how I feel, learning to give and be whole on my own so that I can let others be whole. This is a HUGE step forward for me. Yes, I agree, much work, but SO worth it!!

    THANK YOU for providing this amazingly transformative experience in my life, M.

    <3<3<3

    ReplyDelete