For Christine

I knew you before I met you, through the stories I was told by the woman you raised. I knew of your wit, and your laughter, and of the way your personality brightened the room. I knew of your recipes, ones I enjoy even now. I knew how you were a supportive mother, a friend to your daughters, and that you were the apple of a good man's eye. I knew of your heart, and of your values, and of the things that made you the woman you were.

And I love the family you raised, loved, and cared for. All of the wonderful people who now miss you every moment. My life would have been richer for knowing you in the way that your children and your husband do. It would have been a joy to see your face when your daughter expressed her love for me, and to have the chance to be more of a son to you. But I have the stories and the few fleeting memories of our interaction. I have the memory of hearing you sing when you were unable to truly fathom the pleasure it brought when you did. I have the experience of seeing you smile, no matter how far away you really were. I was there in your presence, with the love your daughters and husband held firmly in their heart, I understand who you were.

Fear not the darkness that clouded your own memories, for in Gina, Tess, and Thomas, I will forever know who you were. I will see your face smiling at me from the pictures your daughter creates with the skill you encouraged. I will feel your presence when we sit together as a family once again. I will toast you at Samhain, eating apples in your honor. I will hang memories of you gleefully on the tree at Yule, and I will ever savor your Tourtière at New Year's dinner. I will give you a place at any table I may be seated at.

In the silence that falls, I shall strive to be a part of the lives you cherished. To care for them as best I can, and to see the legacy you left when you were finally set free from the fog that kept your soul  bound to this life.

Sing with glee and fly away content in the knowing that we will remember you.

Always.

For Christine Terzino, and her beautiful family that I am allowed to love.

Merry Meet
Merry Part
Merry Meet Again.

What's Up?

It's been long enough since I've written, so here goes.

The Holiday season has come and gone -with it, my traditional Christmas post (alas, no Angus), the Jen's birthday post, and my New Year's post. I've been doing other things like living my damned life and dealing with the latest issues of a bad engine in Krahe and getting through the recent rash of snow storms. So, you might ask, what am I going to do about it?

Maybe I'll just reflect on the fact that I set unreasonable expectations for myself when it comes to writing tasks, or accept that I just missed posting something to mark the passing of time. Or perhaps I'll write a bunch of late blogs and get them up. I haven't really decided yet, but I'm writing now and I think it's important to cover SOME of these items.

Christmas was a mad rush. I spent too much money on things that may or may not be important to the recipients. I can now reflect on that fact and I honestly think that one of these days I'll actually put my money where my mouth is and give to various charities in the names of the people on my gift-giving list. Everyone in my family (both blood and chosen) has enough of everything, so why not give to those less fortunate souls in the world? Next year, I think I'll buy a dozen blankets, hats, pairs of gloves, and meal vouchers and give to random homeless people instead. I've got plenty of all of those things, and it might actually be some small gesture that makes a difference in the lives of those who don't.

I would like to buy the world a Coke, so to speak.

There was a post on Facebook that linked to a story about a young man who purchased one of those month-long passes to Olive Garden and gave food to the needy. It touched me, and made me realize that such a small gift can make such a significant impact to the hungry. I gave to the food bank this year - a local market had a promotion where you could buy a can of soup (A CAN OF SOUP) and have it added to your bill. Every day I went to lunch, I'd buy a few and all told I probably bought a whole case. Now a case of soup doesn't seem like much, but added to the cat food at the local pet store chain, the donation to the food box at work, the Salvation Army can donations, and all the other small offerings I took part in, I think I can honestly say that I did some good this year. Well, I think I did, anyway.

New Year's Eve was the old hockey game at the Manchester Monarchs. It will be the last one of those since they are leaving Manchester for CA, and who knows what ECHL team will occupy the vacancy. It was the kind of event that leaves me scratching my head, though. In Providence, going to a P Bruins game is about the hockey. There's not all that much in the way of catering to the families (at least not in any game I've gone to. You go to see the hockey game and that's pretty much what you get. Manchester gives everything it's got to entertain the family - various activities and entertainment between periods, giveaways, and that damned envelope-pooping blimp that circles the rink and makes the kids go wild.  I'll take the hockey, thank you very much. All in all though, it was a really good night. A phone call to my loved ones at midnight and a toast with my lovelies and all was well. New Year's Day was a great time at Home, North with my sister and her new beaux and Gina spending the day with Jen and I playing Cards Against Humanity and eating delicious food. Next year, we gotta remember that there is pork in the meat pie though. Oops! Not everyone eats pork. ;-)

In the middle was Dear Jennifer's birthday. We went for delicious Indian food at a local place in Salem -Kashmir, followed by dessert and wine at another local place -The Tuscan Chicken, er, Kitchen. It was a really nice night.

Through all of this, I realize how lucky a man I am. I have good family, a fabulous life filled with love and understanding, and I'm ever grateful for the ability to just be ME while not taking those I love for granted. We laugh, love, and lean on each other through it all. What's better than a life filled with happiness? Nothing, as far as I'm concerned.

So there. The last two months in a nutshell. And I've written.

Tah Dah!

Now to write an Angus piece and see if I can't jog some Fornits loose from this keyboard.

Ja Ne!

m

Reverent Whisper

Lisa Ann swung her tiny legs back and forth as she sat in the chair. It was a nice chair, deeply piled and covered in soft, thick velvet that felt fuzzy against the back of her legs, tickling her just a little.  Lisa Ann waited for quite a long time. She’d colored in her coloring book, drawn pictures of her and her brother playing together, made a card for her Mom, and generally been a good girl. Lisa Ann was 5.

After quite a while, the noises from the other room seemed to start being louder, then quiet again. She wondered if she could go in there now, but didn’t want to be a bad girl. So she kept waiting, hoping that Mommy would come and get her soon. Her brother was in there with everyone, and she was very, very mad about that.  Mikey wasn’t that much older than she was, so why did he get to be in there with the adults (and everyone else) while there was crying going on? She’d have to ask Mommy about that later in the car after she’d had a nap, of course. Riding in the car always made Lisa Ann sleepy. She kept on swinging her legs, listening for the voices to finally start coming closer.

The voices were very quiet now, practically whispers.  She could hear Daddy and Mommy arguing just a little, like they used to before Daddy moved into his new apartment. She wasn’t sure what they were saying, but she could hear them like she used to, and they were moving farther away. Lisa Ann was very impatient now. She slid off the big chair and onto the thick carpet, feeling her dress slide up her legs as she did. The velvet tickled her legs, and she had some pins and needles in her feet, but she stayed very quiet. Good girls were quiet. Mikey told her that, and Mommy seemed to like it when Lisa Ann did the things that Mikey suggested. He was smart, but not always a good boy. Mommy yelled at Mikey sometimes, but she didn’t yell at Lisa Ann at all. She was a good girl, though she wondered why Mikey didn’t just do the same things he told Lisa Ann to do.  She decided that she would ask him when she saw him, and nodded firmly.

The voices were now silent.

Lisa Ann crossed the room to the door. It was quiet. She hoped it would stay that way, and padded quietly down the hall. There were still no voices close, and she felt a little bit excited at sneaking like this. She didn’t sneak often, and this was a special treat in her mind – a delicious bit of being willful, knowing that she might be doing something just a little against the rules. Lisa Ann poked her head around the corner and saw the mostly empty room. She crossed it, dodging chairs and found her brother. HE was quiet, and she pulled up a nearby chair. He stayed quiet, and she thought to herself that Mikey must be trying very hard to be a good boy. She turned her head and looked around. Still, the room was empty, so she pulled the chair closer to Mikey and took his hand in hers. He didn’t pull it away.

“Mikey? How come you got to be in here with Mommy and Daddy tonight?”

“I just was Ell.”  He only called her that when he was trying to tell her something she should be good about.

“Are Mommy and Daddy fighting? I thought I heard Mommy crying, but I wasn’t sure. Mommy always cried when they were fighting.”

“No, Ell. Not tonight. Mommy and Daddy were not fighting, but I don’t think they are back together, either. You were a good girl, right?”

“I was!” Lisa Ann smiled and nodded as she spoke. “I made Mommy a card. Want to see it?” She waved the card in her hand, never letting go of Mikey.

“It’s pretty. She’s going to like it a lot. Listen, Ell, you have to listen to me, okay?”

“Sure, Mikey.” Lisa Ann leaned in very close. Mikey had his teddy bear in his other hand. “Can I hold your bear?”

“I’m going to hold it for a while, okay?” he squeezed it tighter.

“Okay. What do you want me to do, Mikey?”

“You are going to have to be a very good girl for Mommy. She’s really going to need that. Daddy, too. I think you are going to have to be a good girl for a long time.”

Lisa Ann made a face. “I’m always a good girl, you know. I just forget sometimes.”

“I know, Ell. But Mommy and Daddy were talking about a lot of sad things, and I want to make sure that you are just going to be good so they don’t have to get mad. If you do get yelled at, try not to cry, okay?”

“What sad things? Daddy has a nice place, and I like our bedroom there…” she trailed off, squeezing Mikey’s hand.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Mikey whispered.

“Yes!” Lisa Ann liked secrets. She was a very good secret keeper.

“I’m not going home with you tonight. Mommy will talk about it more, but I’m just not. Not tonight.”

“Oh.” Lisa Ann was a little sad about this. Sometimes Mikey would sleep over Daddy’s house when she didn’t, and she missed him. It was nice to be able to snuggle with Mommy, and sometimes Mikey would leave her a note on her pillow, just in case she missed him. Lisa Ann kept every one of his notes. “Are you sleeping over Daddy’s?”

“No. But just be good for Mommy, okay? It’s really important.”

“I will, Mikey.” Lisa Ann fidgeted in the chair. It wasn’t as nice as the red one she was sitting in before, but it was still fuzzy against her legs. “Are you sad too, Mikey?”

“Yes. A little. It’s hard to explain to you, Ell. I love you. You’re the best sister ever.”

“I love you, too. You’re the best brother ever!” Lisa Ann beamed. She leaned in and gave him a hug and a kiss.

“Thanks, Ell. I’m really tired. Is Mommy coming back?”

“I don’t know. I heard them going somewhere else. That’s why I came to see…”

“It’s okay. Here…” Mikey held out the bear to her. “You take this for now. Don’t lose it, okay?”

Lisa Ann hugged the bear close to her face. She could smell her brother on it. “Thanks, Mikey. I promise I won’t lose it.”

“I didn’t leave you a note, but you know that I always miss you.” He paused, “Always.”

“I know, Mikey. I miss you too.” She was hugging the bear as she spoke. “I think Mommy is coming…” Mikey must have fallen asleep. Maybe he just needed a nap, Lisa Ann thought to herself. She hugged the bear and held his hand. She might get yelled at for being in here, but she didn’t think so. The room was pretty, now that she looked around a little more. There were flowers and candles, and it smelled like Mommy’s garden in the springtime.

Lisa Ann’s mother and father walked slowly into the room together. Her mother fell into deep, muffled sobs when she saw her daughter sitting by the small casket holding her brother’s bear.

The tears flowed freely, and her heart broke again.

fin

Black Friday

Jerry was freezing as he stood outside the locked doors of Malcom’s. He’d never even been in the parking lot before last night, let alone shopped there. But the price on the Merry Mermaid doll that his daughter had been talking about was simply too irresistible. He had to have one for her, and since his soon-to-be-ex-wife was too fucking cheap to spring for it, Jerry froze his ass off with barely more than the price of the doll in his bank account and waited for the store to open. Now, Wal-Mart had opened at 6:00 PM last night, but the Malcom’s price was much better, although he was assured when he asked the clerk on the phone Wednesday that there would be a limited number of dolls available.  That’s when Jerry decided to skip the shitty turkey roll his sister made and camped out in front of the store.  He had to have one. Just this once, he wanted his daughter to get something she actually asked for. Just. This. Once.

Jerry had been here too long already. His legs were sore, and his back ached, and his fingers were thick lumps of meat waiting to be sliced into party-sized pepperoni. But in just three more minutes, Jerry would make a beeline for the toy department and…shit.  “Where was the toy department?” he wondered. He leaned in and tried to see if there was a sign. Nothing. He hadn’t thought about this until right now. Right now. Three, no TWO minutes before the store opened. He turned to the woman beside him, a largish sturdy woman with a scarf and hat covering what little was left exposed by her heavy coat. “You wouldn’t know where the toy department is in here, do you?” He smiled a friendly, if chilled smile.

“Fuck off, buddy. Next time, do your homework.” The woman barked at him and laughed. She turned to face her friend, “Fucking Einstein shows up to a store and doesn’t even know where shit is. Fucking moron.”

Her friend laughed nervously, sounding mostly like she was scared to do anything else. She was a much younger, much thinner woman, her blonde hair springing out from under her red hat.  Jerry caught her eye with his own, a look of desperation on his face. He opened his eyes wider in a silent beg. He darted his eyes, hoping she would pick up on the visual cues. She did, thankfully. She moved her eyes up then right, and then repeated the motions. He nodded, understanding. Straight in and then right. The toys must be in the back of the store. He eased up a little. One minute.

The Thick Woman jostled him against the door, laughing at his surprise. Jerry turned to face her, really pissed off. As he began to turn his shoulders towards her, the doors sprung open and she pushed his chest hard, sending him sprawling into the security pole alongside the entryway. Jerry was flailing, trying to regain his balance as the crowd poured into the store. He panicked when he saw the number of people rushing past. “Shit!” he cried, getting steady to his feet and breaking into a run. “I hope that fat fuck dies in this”

He ran as directed, looking right again and again to gage where the hell the toys were. Then he saw the sign, skidded right, and broke into a full run as he saw more people looking at him from other aisles. They descended on the toy department like starving locusts to a cornfield. Shelves were stripped clean as they passed, but Jerry wheeled and spun, searching for his treasure. He saw the pile almost too late, as there were only three left when he got to the pallet in the aisle way. He reached through the throng of rabid shoppers and grabbed one of the boxes, his heart beating hard in triumph. As he pulled the box through the flailing mass, he felt a sudden tug. The Thick Woman had her hands on Jerry’s doll, her eyes narrowed to slits and she barked at him “Loser!” as she pulled the toy from his grip.

Jerry lost it. He sprung over the heads of the struggling crowd and landed hard on The Thick Woman. She fell to her knees and sent the doll spiraling away under a rack adorned with smiling elves and children’s coats. He scampered after it on his hands and knees, scurrying at first before getting his feet under him. He grabbed the doll and began to run down towards the registers, the voice in his head screaming at him “JERRY! IT’S A FUCKING DOLL!” “Goddamned right it’s a fucking doll. It’s MY fucking doll, and that fat fuck isn’t going to get it” he answered to himself as he admired the red hair and bright smile of the toy.

The Thick Woman slammed her carriage into Jerry from behind, hard. His heel blossomed in pain and Jerry fell onto the white tile. Blood exploded from his nose and his forehead as his face struck the floor. He was in agony. The Thick Woman picked up the doll, leaned down, and told Jerry to go fuck himself before retrieving her cart and dropping the doll in with the other items. Jerry struggled against the encroaching gray around the edges of his vision. Blackness threatened to take him, and his body wanted to give into that silent bliss.  He heard The Thick Woman laugh from somewhere out in the nearby aisles.

Jerry got to his feet and fought against the dizziness. He could see The Thick Woman sauntering triumphantly down the lane, the seams of her pants threatening to burst their banks and flood the store with her dimpled, gelatinous cellulite. He focused like a cat on a mouse and decided that he was not going to lose his doll to her. Not ever. He moved slowly, stalking her though the store. He pushed other carriages out of the way, once actually walking almost a full aisle with someone’s overfull cart. The owner yelled, but Jerry paid no mind. If the chance ever came. he'd kill her with his own bare hands.

He caught up with The Thick Woman in the garden center. She was rifling through a large bin stuffed with small stuffed animals. Her back was towards him the whole time. Jerry grabbed a cart full of snow shovels and pushed it past her in the slow procession of others trying to get by. Thinking how delicious it would be to strangle her instead, he reached out as he passed, lifting the doll from her abductor and returning it to her rightful home: Jerry’s arms. He pushed silently past, ditched the carriage so it would impede her potential pursuit, and made a dash for the registers.

Jerry was free, and the Merry Mermaid would bring a smile to his daughter in a time when there were few smiles to be had. He saw The Thick Woman cross in front of his car, barking at Blondie the whole time. Blondie did a double take as she saw Jerry through the windshield. Jerry winked, feeling cheerful for the first time all morning. His head ached, his nose throbbed, but Jerry was one happy guy. He beat that old bitch to the present of the season and he would never have to look at her fucking face again, since this was the last time he would ever come to this shitty store.

 

Home and clean, Jerry grabbed a plate of cheese and crackers and dropped into one of the old stools that served as kitchen seating. His recently-furnished bachelor pad was decorated in “Modern Ghetto” as he put it. But after the big D was finalized, he would invest in something better. Either way, his daughter would have a good Christmas this year.  Jerry slid one of the slices of cheese into his mouth as he flipped on the countertop TV to watch the news. The segment was apparently on the “Black Friday Mayhem” that occurred all over the nation, and several videos of trampling and stampedes, one of a woman and a midget fighting over a 40” TV at Target or something, and then several of people fist fighting at registers. Jerry chuckled at the videos, remembering his own struggle this morning. The announcer, a good-looking woman in her 40’s dressed in a festive (and very low-cut) dress that flattered her shape, turned the story over to Chuck, who would share a local tale of sadness.

Jerry sat bolt upright. The Thick Woman was on the screen, tear tracks staining her face. Blondie held her arm. “Margie Swanson went out this morning to buy gifts for Saint Cecelia’s Home for Lost Children, a shelter for abused and abandoned children. What she found, instead, was the violence of an angry man.

“I was so shocked when I was attacked by this horrible man,” The Thick Woman explained through tears, “and then I realized later that he stole the doll from my carriage when I wasn’t looking. Renee told me later that she saw the man smiling…smiling… after the deed was done, as he was driving away.”  She began sobbing into Blondie’s (Renee’s?) shoulder.  Blondie stared into the camera silently.

“Renee McCallister is a deaf mute who grew up under the care of Miss Swanson. She shared this earlier…” the announcer trailed off as the screen cut to Blondie signing and an interpreter speaking for her. “This man probably doesn’t even know we do this. I’m sure he was simply caught up in the moment, but his actions color the season for all of us. It is this sort of uncalled-for violence that makes it more and more difficult to enjoy the hustle and bustle of the shopping season- especially when that shopping will benefit these children who are so much worse off than our own.” The interpreter spoke as Renee signed furiously.

Jerry was humbled, but angry. If that Margie Swanson is such a saint, why did she act like such a total bitch this morning? Fuck her. Fuck her and Blondie.  The news caster went on and on, saying how the children from the Elaine Donovan Elementary School were responsible for selecting gifts to be given to the children of Saint Cecelia’s. The entire fourth grade class had participated.  Jerry’s daughter went to Donovan. She was in the fourth grade there. Holy shit. Suddenly Jerry felt very small and very far away. Had he misheard his daughter? Did she talk about that fucking doll because it was a part of her class project? He scrambled to remember. He checked his texts from her, and his email. There was no mention of it.

Had he only been half-listening when she said it? Had he only wanted to find something to one-up his ex? Jerry stood up from the stool and pulled his hair in his hands. “FUCK!” he cried aloud. “FUCK FUCK FUCK!” He grabbed his phone and punched his ex’s number. It rang several times before she picked up.

“Yes?” She answered curtly.

“Hey Sharon, it’s Jerry. Listen, did B want anything special for Christmas this year? I mean, she was talking about some mermaid doll or something… did she want that? Were you planning on getting it...?”

“I know It’s you, Jerry. And no, she didn’t want that mermaid thing. She wants a bike. She told you this already. There was something at school about the doll… some shit about an orphanage or something. Don’t you listen to her, Jerr-y?” She dragged his name out venomously.

Jerry stared at the newscast. He was on TV, well, you couldn’t see his face, but there he was. “…home video of the assault has just surfaced. It’s raw, and we apologize for the quality. “ the faceless reporter spoke. In the video, you could plainly see jerry jump over people and land on The Thick Woman, send her sprawling, then grab the doll and run off. Jerry’s face was never clear enough to make out. Jerry sat back down and spoke into the phone “I gotta go” and hung up.

Jerry dropped the package into the large slot at the post office. He had wrapped it in plain brown paper and addressed it to Renee McCallister, care of Saint Cecelia’s. He felt horrible about it all. As he drove home, he listened to the news. It started to feel like a badly-scripted movie, and Jerry was starring as the Mermaid Mauler. “Nice name” he thought to himself when he first heard it.

Later that night Jerry was feeling better about it all. The buzz had died down to a dull roar on the news, and he never made YouTube at all. “Dodged a bullet there” he said to the empty apartment. His phone rang.  It was Sharon. “Hello?”

“Jerry, listen. It seems I owe you an apology.”

Jerry was stunned. “Okay, for what?”

“B WAS talking about that damned doll. She hasn’t stopped talking about it all day after you called – there was something about it on the news and she won’t shut up. I bought her one today, but I was wondering if you’d like to split it with me. We could give it to her together.”

“She wants the doll? Where did you get one?”

“You know that shithole across town… Malcom’s or something? They had a pallet of them just sitting there. I grabbed a couple, sent one to that woman who was attacked…did you hear? From Saint Cecelia’s”

Jerry laughed into his hands. A whole pallet of them. In his mind, he saw hundreds of the dolls dancing around in a ling conga line through the store, leading him into the open mouth of a volcano where The Thick Woman stood with a baseball bat and struck him in the kidneys until he was pissing blood into the lava flow. “Sure, Sharon. I’ll split it with you.”

“What’s so funny?” Sharon asked.

“I’ve had a long day is all. A very long day.”

 

 

The Shrinking Table

Time slips past us at a fearsome rate. When you are but a child, a week feels like an entire school year, a month is an eternity, and a year might as well be never.  We age and slowly recognize that a week is but a speck on the calendar. A month comes and goes before we are prepared for the list of birthdays and holidays that fill it. A year? Well that is something we wish we could slow from coming as we realize how many things we have left undone, unsaid, or untouched. 

Time slips by.

So where are we now, a single year after our last Thanksgiving? Have we made any changes? Have we advanced our goals? Have we completed tasks we set for ourselves in the past twelve months? I know that I haven't accomplished nearly enough in my life. I haven't given enough blankets or coffees or meals to homeless people I see on the street. I haven't learned to stay my tongue when patience is called for and my hurt rises from my mouth as anger. I haven't been understanding enough to realize that age sometimes brings with it a rigidity and unwillingness to accept sweeping changes to once-comfortable lives. And I haven't looked into my own soul enough to bandage the old wounds and apply salve to where the missing scales make me vulnerable. 

Much has happened in the past year. My family is shrinking, and the core elements (my sister, my mother, and I) are not getting any younger. Warranties on the bodies that carry us through this iteration are expired, and the realization that we cannot rebuild those ailing components is painfully obvious. I accept that we should take better care of ourselves and each other.  I am thankful for the chance to improve my health, and for those I love to remain as healthy as is possible. I am also thankful that my mother and my sister are who they are, even when I can't help poke at them. I hope they never forget that it is love that guides my heart, never malice.

I see the world through a lens that others don't always share. I am thankful for the chances I am given to express my own opinions and hopefully point my not-always-delicate finger in the eye of those things I find distasteful. I'm sometimes not so careful with my words, and that can be problematic.
I realize that I live a life that many don't consider normal, but I live it happily and willingly. The women I love are part of me, and I am thankful for the chance to love them and to be there when I am needed. I am thankful for them in my heart, accepting me as I am, and being understanding when I fall down. I am far from perfect, but I try.

I watch others I love struggle with health issues, with familial issues, and with financial issues. I am thankful that I am able to be an ear for them when they want or need one. I am ever grateful for their friendship, and for the intimacy we share.

And then there is my son. I watched him grow from a child into a man, and still is see him as that little boy, wanting to please everyone and hurt none. I see him struggle with the fire of an angry young man, but with little of the wisdom of age. His world is not mine, and I often find myself unable to understand how to help him without doing for him. There's a difference. I am thankful for his beautiful, if often confused, heart. And I love him dearly. 

I am thankful for my sweet and mischievous daughter. I see her becoming a lovely and (hopefully) reasonably well-adjusted young lady. She has a thick, leathery exterior, but the heart of a human being more than twice her age. I hope she understands that I am not just an embarrassing man in her life, but rather that I treat her with respect and trust that she earns. 

I am thankful for my extended family through my partners. So many people to love, and be loved by. Sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers. Jewels among humanity.

I'll take one tiny spot here and mention those who will wish to remain nameless, but who are so very much a part of my heart. People who I hope will recognize that although we do not see each other often (years, even), they are still connected though the words we share, or the breakfasts, or music, or a hundred different ways. You are a part of me, and through peace, love, and happiness, I hope I am a part of you.

So, dear reader, gather your love in your arms and hands and hearts and hold it close. Remember those who have passed, or moved away, or moved on in any way. Sing their songs and share their stories. Be thankful for having them in your life, or having passed through it.

Just be thankful, even if just for being able to watch the passing of the time.

Digging Up the Past

There was a knock at the door. 

 And another. 

 And then, impossibly, yet another.

 Raymond Batista squashed out the short cigarette he’d been nursing for too long. He kicked the chair out using the backs of his knees and stood up, groaning.  Raymond hated this fucking holiday. Little bastards from all over come banging on your door begging for candy, and if you don’t have any, they might egg your car or cover your trees with toilet paper.  He made his way to the door, thinking that it must be high school or college kids at this time of night. The younger ones would all be at home now, digging into the private stash of goodies that they kept hidden from mom.  Their braces and teeth slathered on caramel and nougat, sugar on their breath as they fell asleep and mommy and daddy secreted away their favorites. 

There was another knock, a very quiet one, low on the door.

“I’m coming” Raymond barked, grabbing the nearly empty bowl of apples from the side table. HE always gave apples. And he always bought the culls from a local orchard for just this occasion. Not rotten, but bruised (and cheap) enough. When he was a younger man, Raymond used to fantasize about slipping a razor blade in just one of them, or a piece of glass - something extra to keep the night exciting. These days, in his early fifties, Raymond just wanted to be left alone. He’d had a hard life, and now just wanted to be away from all the bullshit that followed him around ever since…well it was a long time ago.

<knock>

“For fuck’s sake.” Raymond swung the door inward on its creaking hinges to see… nothing. Nothing but leaves blowing around the porch, lit only by the single bulb above the stairs just beyond the front door.  “Hello? Where the hell did you go?” He called into the night. There was a pop and the bare bulb went dark as it swung in the gusting wind. Leaves swirled into piles and then blew out into a flat spray against the front of the house. “Little shits” Raymond thought to himself as he stepped out to appraise the street.  It was mostly abandoned houses, a closed convenience store on the corner under the only working streetlight exclaimed ‘GOING OUT OF BUSINESS’ from the plywood covering the windows. In either direction there was the sound of wind. From the south-bound side of the street, he could hear the far-off laughter of a woman, probably a prostitute, and the loud barking of someone’s dog. Bleak. Lifeless. Depressed.  

He walked back into the house, closing the door behind him and placing the bowl of darkening apples on the stand. He sat back down at the kitchen table, the vinyl tablecloth showing years of cigarette burns and coffee stains. Fishing a Winston out of the open pack, he lifted the lighter to his face in the closing gloom. The tobacco caught, he inhaled, and blew out a stream of smoke followed by a cough.  He turned in the chair and leaned over to the radio at the other end of the table. It was usually on, but tonight everyone played that ‘Monster Mash’ song, and he really didn’t want to have anything related to ‘Frankenstein’ in his head. He spent enough time thinking about it anyway, no need to be reminded.

He smoked on.

<knock>

“Fucking kids” He barked angrily, rose and moved more quickly to the door. “I’m done with this shit.” He swung the front door again, forgetting that the bulb had blown out. This time, though, he was startled. Silhouetted against the yellow glow of the streetlight, and casting a shadow up the front of the house was a kid. A young kid, maybe not 12. Raymond couldn’t make out his face or costume, but it looked light and dark, maybe some kind of camouflage. The kid’s face was dark, too. Either he was black or in some kind of face paint. “What are you, some kind of soldier?” Raymond demanded. “Go home, kid. It’s late.”

There was a sound in the darkness to Raymond’s left. It sounded like a little girl screaming, but it was far, far away. Miles away. Maybe decades. He straightened and backed into the door frame, darting his eyes towards the sound. Nothing. When he looked back to where the kid had been, again there was nothing.  Raymond was afraid and sweating, the Winston clinging to the long ash in a comical way. The tee shirt clung to him, making Raymond Batista look like something from one of Ralph Bakshi’s animated films -  a caricature of an aging, overweight Spanish man caught in the act of something illegal.  He shook off the moment, gathered himself and moved toward the steps of the porch. There was nobody there.  

Seated at the kitchen table with a fresh cigarette, Raymond was feeling better. He’d decided to not answer the door again tonight. He was done. Screw the kids, it was late enough and the light was blown out anyway.  As he sat there, he began to think about his family and his life. His brother had gone to college and become an accountant. After that dreadful summer, Donald Batista had found the straight and narrow road to success. He stopped being the local bully and made amends in every corner he could. He became class president in high school, and had a hand in getting money from state grants for summer programs for underprivileged kids. He was a model citizen. Their mother had disowned Raymond. No son of hers was going to be a murderer. His father never spoke to Raymond again, even after he’d served his time. Raymond paid his debt to society in an adult prison, even though he was not yet 16. He was tried for murder, pleaded to a lesser charge and did ten years for it. When he got out of Prison, he discovered that being a young Hispanic man with a record made it very difficult to find work. What a surprise.  Raymond did odd jobs for years, wandering this way and that. He watched his younger brother succeed through the long-distance lens of the small articles that were published in the local paper. He tried to talk to his mother once, but she didn’t know him, or at least that’s what she said.

So Raymond was alone in life. He never had kids, or even a steady date. Prison had help make some changes to his sexual preferences that weren’t well supported in this neighborhood, so to speak. He never had a girlfriend, or even a steady interest. He’d found God for a short time, until it became obvious to him that God wasn’t going to help improve his life any more than the drugs would. So Raymond was clean, celibate, agnostic, and alone while his brother never once mentioned him in public nor offered help. 

<knock>

Raymond heard the sound from far away. He was drifting off to sleep in the kitchen chair, his head bobbing slowly downward to be propped up by his chin resting on his chest.  He breathed slowly and rhythmically as the knock came again.  “come in” he uttered reflexively though his near-sleep state.  The front door swung inwards and the silhouette of the boy was there again. It stepped forward, stiffly and Raymond’s dreaming-self turned to see the shape coming towards him. He tried to scream, but only a stream of letters floated out of his mouth. “A’s” and “H’s” streamed out of his mouth in a glowing, comic-book style. Raymond stood up, now 15 again, and blinked as he looked at his young hands. He looked around wildly and caught his reflection in the glass of one of the kitchen cabinets. His reflection spoke back to him “You’re dreaming, asshole” it shouted through a speech balloon that appeared to the right of his head. He turned back to the kid coming closer. He realized what was happening. 

He was holding a gun in his hand now, the barrel smoking. That kid teasing his brother wasn’t going to tease him anymore. Not ever. A girl in the crowd screamed, and his brother Donny first smiled at Raymond, but then looked at the bleeding kid on the ground and fell beside him, shaking him, trying to… what? Make him not dead? Raymond was dragged to the ground and eventually stopped struggling once the gun was kicked from his bloody hand.  He just stared at the dead kid In his brother’s arms.

The dead kid’s eyes moved to meet his own, and Raymond started screaming. It was pretty much a month of nightmares for him after that.  Eventually, Life took over and Raymond had real monsters to worry about, not nightmares.  Not a dead kid staring at him.  

The kid shuffled forward, his blood-stained tee shirt clinging to his young body. But it was his eyes, his begging, saddened eyes that scared Raymond the most.  “Ray-Ray” it muttered, breathlessly. Raymond stiffened, looking back at his reflection. It was now his brother staring back at him, the cabinets were gone and they were in the street. It was summer.  It was sweltering.  Donnie mouthed some words, and they appeared from his mouth in a run of letter that Raymond had to read. “WHY RAY? WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?”

Raymond tried to scream back, but only letter came out “FOR YOU, DONNIE… FOR MY BROTHER!”

The dead kid closed his hand around Raymond’s arm, Instinctively, Raymond raised the gun and popped two shots into the dead kid. It laughed at him. Raymond tried to turn away, to run. The dreamland made his motions impossibly slow, and the dead kid fell on him like a tree in the forest. An eleven-year-old tree made of bone and sinew. And blood. And staring eyes.  

They fell backwards, down a long cliff. The sky tumbled past and Raymond felt his grasp on his brother’s hand slipping. Donnie stared down the cliff at them as they fell, Raymond and the dead kid.  Donnie’s face grew smaller as Raymond realized what was going to happen. 

Raymond woke suddenly from his dream. His chest was tight, his breathing hard, and he was soaked in sweat. He clenched his chest and turned in the chair to the open front door. He fell to his knees, pulling the vinyl tablecloth off the table as he went , spilling everything onto the kitchen floor around him.  The radio turned on, sparking to life in a chorus of “They did the Mash… They did the Monster Mash…”

Raymond struggled to breathe against his looming death. He turned his face up and said through tears, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Frankie. I’m so sorry.”

The dead kid in the blood-stained shirt looked down at Raymond with sad eyes.  He leaned down to touch Raymond’s face to turn it to meet his own.  Franklin James Stein spoke softly to his murderer through dead lips “Don’t worry. Your brother will be joining you soon.”

“No. Not him too…” Tears fell down Raymond’s face and he died face down in the kitchen of his empty house.  Alone.

Little Black Ribbons

Do you know what the date is today?  It’s September the eleventh.  Google has a small black ribbon on the search page, there are some events planned in NY, PA, and DC (I understand the President is attending the Pentagon event), but I didn’t see much going on locally, nor did I see a dramatic increase in American Flag sales. Quite honestly, I didn’t see an awful lot of anything marking this day, even though I do sometimes think that it’s only a matter of time before there’s a “September 11^th Sale” somewhere – it’ll only take one ballsy retailer to start THAT one going. Maybe even a “Let’s Roll Event” at the local Toyota dealership. What? They’re built in the US.

I mark this day on my blog for a number of reasons, one of which is the fact that after all the patriotic nonsense that occurred thirteen years ago, we are no more unified as a nation. Regardless of the safety programs and policies perpetrated upon the American public, we are no safer. And without better oversight,  our own government is more likely to spy on us than any foreign interest.  I remember seeing the streets, and cars, and shirts, and jackets, and stickers, and mugs, and cups, and everygoddamned thing else covered in American flags. I remember the magnetic ribbons (“I support the Chinese factory making these magnets”) and the patriotic advertisements littering our visual and audio airwaves. I remember the spike in NYC merchandising that included so many items plastered in WTC images.

I remember the hole in the skyline.

And I remember that particular video of the collapse that was shown so often that we became desensitized to it.  We were shown those frames so many times from so many sources that as a society we very slowly came to be comfortable with them.  Not friendly, but we certainly weren’t shocked any longer. And we moved on.

Our world has been changed, and honestly, I don’t think we will ever again live in a world where ANYONE would argue that we have a right to privacy. We’ve surrendered it.  And that thought makes me so angry, and so sorry for our future. I mean, think about that – We’ve surrendered our privacy.  To put this in perspective, Rowe V. Wade was decided 7-2 that a citizen had a right to privacy guaranteed under the due process clause Article 2 of the 14^th Amendment.  Here, read that for yourself:

“AMENDMENT XIV

Passed by Congress June 13, 1866. Ratified July 9, 1868.
Note: Article I, section 2, of the Constitution was modified by section 2 of the 14th amendment.

Section 1.
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

 I’m no lawyer, but I don’t equate due process with privacy, but what do I know.  My point is that in a world where privacy is not held sacred (as was the case in 1973 when the landmark case was decided upon), I doubt women would have the right to decide that particular issue for themselves. I wonder what other decisions we would be prevented from making for ourselves? Would technology have advanced at the same pace in the ways it has if we didn’t have some expectation of privacy?  Seriously – ask your kids, or someone else’s kids how they feel about being surveilled or having their lives open for scrutiny by the government.  Most of the ones I ask simply shrug and say something along the lines of “If you aren’t doing anything wrong, who cares?”

 Well for one, I care.

And I matter, don’t I? Yes. I do.

 

As do the people listed below. My heart for them and their families. 

List of World Trade Center Victims (not including plane crews or passengers)  * Gordon M. Aamoth, Jr. * Edelmiro Abad * Maria Rose Abad * Andrew Anthony Abate * Vincent Abate * Laurence Christopher Abel * William F. Abrahamson * Richard Anthony Aceto * Jesus Acevedo Rescand * Heinrich Bernhard Ackermann * Paul Acquaviva * Donald LaRoy Adams * Patrick Adams * Shannon Lewis Adams * Stephen George Adams * Ignatius Udo Adanga * Christy A. Addamo * Terence E. Adderley, Jr. * Sophia Buruwad Addo * Lee Allan Adler * Daniel Thomas Afflitto * Emmanuel Akwasi Afuakwah * Alok Agarwal * Mukul Kumar Agarwala * Joseph Agnello * David Scott Agnes * Brian G. Ahearn * Jeremiah Joseph Ahern * Joanne Marie Ahladiotis * Shabbir Ahmed * Terrance Andre Aiken * Godwin Ajala * Gertrude M. Alagero * Andrew Alameno  * Margaret Ann Alario * Gary M. Albero * Jon Leslie Albert * Peter Alderman * Jacquelyn Delaine Aldridge * David D. Alger * Sarah Ali-Escarcega * Ernest Alikakos * Edward L. Allegretto * Eric Allen * Joseph Ryan Allen * Richard Dennis Allen * Richard Lanard Allen * Christopher E. Allingham * Janet M. Alonso * Arturo Alva-Moreno * Anthony Alvarado * Antonio Javier Alvarez * Victoria Alvarez-Brito * Telmo E. Alvear * Cesar Amoranto Alviar * Tariq Amanullah * Angelo Amaranto * James M. Amato Joseph Amatuccio * Christopher Charles Amoroso * Kazuhiro Anai * Calixto Anaya, Jr. * Joseph Anchundia * Kermit Charles Anderson * Yvette Constance Anderson * John Andreacchio * Michael Rourke Andrews * Jean Ann Andrucki * Siew-Nya Ang * Joseph Angelini, Jr. * Joseph Angelini, Sr. * Laura Angilletta * Doreen J. Angrisani * Lorraine Antigua * Peter Paul Apollo * Faustino Apostol, Jr. * Frank Thomas Aquilino * Patrick Michael Aranyos * David Arce * Michael George Arczynski  * Louis Arena * Adam P. Arias * Michael Armstrong * Jack Charles Aron * Joshua Aron * Richard Avery Aronow * Japhet Jesse Aryee * Patrick Asante * Carl Asaro * Michael Asciak * Michael Edward Asher * Janice Marie Ashley * Thomas J. Ashton * Manuel O. Asitimbay * Gregg Arthur Atlas * Gerald T. Atwood * James Audiffred * Louis Frank Aversano, Jr. * Ezra Aviles * Sandy Ayala * Arlene T. Babakitis * Eustace P. Bacchus * John J. Badagliacca * Jane Ellen Baeszler * Robert J. Baierwalter * Andrew J. Bailey * Brett T. Bailey * Tatyana Bakalinskaya * Michael S. Baksh * Sharon M. Balkcom * Michael Andrew Bane * Katherine Bantis * Gerard Baptiste * Walter Baran * Gerard A. Barbara * Paul Vincent Barbaro * James William Barbella * Ivan Kyrillos F. Barbosa * Victor Daniel Barbosa * Colleen Ann Barkow * David Michael Barkway * Matthew Barnes * Sheila Patricia Barnes * Evan J. Baron * Renee Barrett-Arjune * Nathaly Barrios La Cruz * Arthur Thaddeus Barry * Diane G. Barry * Maurice Vincent Barry * Scott D. Bart * Carlton W. Bartels * Guy Barzvi * Inna B. Basina * Alysia Basmajian  * Kenneth William Basnicki * Steven Bates * Paul James Battaglia * Walter David Bauer, Jr. * Marlyn Capito Bautista * Jasper Baxter * Michele Beale * Paul Frederick Beatini * Jane S. Beatty * Lawrence Ira Beck * Manette Marie Beckles * Carl John Bedigian * Michael Earnest Beekman * Maria A. Behr * Yelena Belilovsky  * Nina Patrice Bell * Debbie Bellows * Stephen Elliot Belson * Paul M. Benedetti * Denise Lenore Benedetto  * Maria Bengochea * Bryan Craig Bennett * Eric L. Bennett * Oliver Duncan Bennett * Margaret L. Benson * Dominick J. Berardi * James Patrick Berger * Steven Howard Berger * John P. Bergin * Alvin Bergsohn * Daniel Bergstein * Michael J. Berkeley * Donna M. Bernaerts * David W. Bernard * William Bernstein * David M. Berray * David S. Berry * Joseph J. Berry * William Reed Bethke * Timothy Betterly * Edward Frank Beyea * Paul Beyer * Anil Tahilram Bharvaney * Bella J. Bhukhan * Shimmy D. Biegeleisen * Peter Alexander Bielfeld * William G. Biggart * Brian Bilcher * Carl Vincent Bini * Gary Eugene Bird * Joshua David Birnbaum * George John Bishop * Jeffrey Donald Bittner * Albert Balewa Blackman, Jr. * Christopher Joseph Blackwell * Susan Leigh Blair * Harry Blanding, Jr. * Janice Lee Blaney * Craig Michael Blass * Rita Blau * Richard Middleton Blood, Jr. * Michael Andrew Boccardi  * John P. Bocchi * Michael Leopoldo Bocchino * Susan M. Bochino * Bruce D. Boehm * Mary Catherine Boffa * Nicholas Andrew Bogdan * Darren Christopher Bohan * Lawrence Francis Boisseau * Vincent M. Boland, Jr. * Alan Bondarenko  * Andre Bonheur, Jr. * Colin Arthur Bonnett * Frank Bonomo * Yvonne Lucia Bonomo * Genieve Bonsignore, 3  * Seaon Booker * Sherry Ann Bordeaux * Krystine Bordenabe * Martin Boryczewski * Richard Edward Bosco * John H. Boulton * Francisco Eligio Bourdier * Thomas Harold Bowden, Jr. * Kimberly S. Bowers * Veronique Nicole Bowers * Larry Bowman * Shawn Edward Bowman, Jr. * Kevin L. Bowser * Gary R. Box * Gennady Boyarsky * Pamela Boyce * Michael Boyle * Alfred Braca * Kevin Bracken * David Brian Brady * Alexander Braginsky * Nicholas W. Brandemarti * Michelle Renee Bratton * Patrice Braut * Lydia E. Bravo * Ronald Michael Breitweiser * Edward A. Brennan III * Francis Henry Brennan * Michael E. Brennan * Peter Brennan * Thomas M. Brennan * Daniel J. Brethel * Gary Lee Bright * Jonathan Briley * Mark A. Brisman * Paul Gary Bristow * Mark Francis Broderick * Herman Charles Broghammer * Keith A. Broomfield * Ethel Brown Janice  * Juloise Brown * Lloyd Stanford Brown * Patrick J. Brown * Bettina Browne * Mark Bruce * Richard George Bruehert * Andrew Brunn * Vincent Brunton * Ronald Paul Bucca * Brandon J. Buchanan * Gregory Joseph Buck * Dennis Buckley * Nancy Clare Bueche * Patrick Joseph Buhse * John Edwards Bulaga, Jr. * Stephen Bunin * Matthew J. Burke  * Thomas Daniel Burke * William Francis Burke, Jr. * Donald J. Burns * Kathleen Anne Burns * Keith James Burns * John Patrick Burnside * Irina Buslo * Milton G. Bustillo * Thomas M. Butler * Patrick Byrne * Timothy G. Byrne  * Jesus Neptali Cabezas * Lillian Caceres * Brian Joseph Cachia * Steven Dennis Cafiero, Jr. * Richard M. Caggiano * Cecile Marella Caguicla * Michael John Cahill * Scott Walter Cahill * Thomas Joseph Cahill * George Cain * Salvatore B. Calabro * Joseph Calandrillo * Philip V. Calcagno * Edward Calderon * Kenneth Marcus Caldwell * Dominick Enrico Calia * Felix Calixte * Frank Callahan * Liam Callahan * Luigi Calvi * Roko Camaj * Michael F. Cammarata * David Otey Campbell * Geoffrey Thomas Campbell * Jill Marie Campbell * Robert Arthur Campbell * Sandra Patricia Campbell  * Sean Thomas Canavan * John A. Candela * Vincent Cangelosi * Stephen J. Cangialosi * Lisa Bella Cannava * Brian Cannizzaro  * Michael Canty * Louis Anthony Caporicci * Jonathan Neff Cappello * James Christopher Cappers * Richard Michael Caproni * Jose Manuel Cardona * Dennis M. Carey * Steve Carey * Edward Carlino * Michael Scott Carlo * David G. Carlone  * Rosemarie C. Carlson * Mark Stephen Carney * Joyce Ann Carpeneto * Ivhan Luis Carpio Bautista  * Jeremy M. Carrington * Michael Carroll * Peter Carroll * James Joseph Carson, Jr. * Marcia Cecil Carter * James Marcel Cartier * Vivian Casalduc * John Francis Casazza * Paul R. Cascio * Margarito Casillas * Thomas Anthony Casoria * William Otto Caspar * Alejandro Castano * Arcelia Castillo * Germaan Castillo Garcia * Leonard M. Castrianno * Jose Ramon Castro * Richard G. Catarelli * Christopher Sean Caton * Robert John Caufield * Mary Teresa Caulfield * Judson Cavalier * Michael Joseph Cawley * Jason David Cayne * Juan Armando Ceballos * Jason Michael Cefalu * Thomas Joseph Celic * Ana Mercedes Centeno * Joni Cesta * Jeffrey Marc Chairnoff * Swarna Chalasani  * William Chalcoff * Eli Chalouh * Charles Lawrence Chan * Mandy Chang * Mark Lawrence Charette * Gregorio Manuel Chavez * Delrose E. Cheatham * Pedro Francisco Checo * Douglas MacMillan Cherry * Stephen Patrick Cherry * Vernon Paul Cherry * Nester Julio Chevalier * Swede Chevalier  * Alexander H. Chiang * Dorothy J. Chiarchiaro * Luis Alfonso Chimbo * Robert Chin * Wing Wai Ching * Nicholas Paul Chiofalo * John Chipura * Peter A. Chirchirillo * Catherine Chirls * Kyung Hee Cho * Abul K. Chowdhury * Mohammad Salahuddin Chowdhury * Kirsten L. Christophe * Pamela Chu * Steven Chucknick * Wai Chung * Christopher Ciafardini * Alex F. Ciccone * Frances Ann Cilente * Elaine Cillo * Edna Cintron * Nestor Andre Cintron III * Robert Dominick Cirri * Juan Pablo Cisneros-Alvarez * Benjamin Keefe Clark * Eugene Clark * Gregory Alan Clark * Mannie Leroy Clark * Thomas R. Clark * Christopher Robert Clarke * Donna Marie Clarke * Michael J. Clarke  * Suria Rachel Emma Clarke * Kevin Francis Cleary * James D. Cleere  * Geoffrey W. Cloud * Susan Marie Clyne * Steven Coakley * Jeffrey Alan Coale * Patricia A. Cody * Daniel Michael Coffey * Jason M. Coffey * Florence G. Cohen * Kevin Sanford Cohen * Anthony Joseph Coladonato * Mark Joseph Colaio * Stephen Colaio * Christopher M. Colasanti * Kevin Nathaniel Colbert * Michel P. Colbert  * Keith E. Coleman * Scott Thomas Coleman * Tarel Coleman * Liam Joseph Colhoun * Robert D. Colin * Robert J. Coll * Jean Collin * John Michael Collins * Michael L. Collins * Thomas J. Collins * Joseph Collison * Patricia Malia Colodner * Linda M. Colon * Sol E. Colon * Ronald Edward Comer * Sandra Jolane Conaty Brace * Jaime Concepcion * Albert Conde * Denease Conley * Susan P. Conlon * Margaret Mary Conner * Cynthia Marie Lise Connolly * John E. Connolly, Jr. * James Lee Connor * Jonathan M. Connors * Kevin Patrick Connors * Kevin F. Conroy * Jose Manuel Contreras-Fernandez  * Brenda E. Conway * Dennis Michael Cook * Helen D. Cook * John A. Cooper * Joseph John Coppo, Jr. * Gerard J. Coppola * Joseph Albert Corbett * Alejandro Cordero * Robert Cordice * Ruben D. Correa  * Danny A. Correa-Gutierrez * James J. Corrigan * Carlos Cortes * Kevin Cosgrove * Dolores Marie Costa * Digna Alexandra Costanza * Charles Gregory Costello, Jr. * Michael S. Costello * Conrod K. Cottoy  * Martin John Coughlan * John Gerard Coughlin * Timothy J. Coughlin * James E. Cove * Andre Cox * Frederick John Cox * James Raymond Coyle * Michele Coyle-Eulau * Anne Marie Cramer * Christopher S. Cramer * Denise Elizabeth Crant * James Leslie Crawford, Jr. * Robert James Crawford * Joanne Mary Cregan * Lucy Crifasi * John A. Crisci * Daniel Hal Crisman * Dennis Cross * Kevin Raymond Crotty * Thomas G. Crotty * John Crowe * Welles Remy Crowther * Robert L. Cruikshank * John Robert Cruz  * Grace Yu Cua * Kenneth John Cubas * Francisco Cruz Cubero * Richard J. Cudina * Neil James Cudmore * Thomas Patrick Cullen lll * Joyce Cummings  * Brian Thomas Cummins * Michael Cunningham * Robert Curatolo * Laurence Damian Curia * Paul Dario Curioli * Beverly Curry * Michael S. Curtin  * Gavin Cushny * John D'Allara * Vincent Gerard D'Amadeo * Jack D'Ambrosi * Mary D'Antonio * Edward A. D'Atri * Michael D. D'Auria * Michael Jude D'Esposito * Manuel John Da Mota * Caleb Arron Dack * Carlos S. DaCosta * Joao Alberto DaFonseca Aguiar, Jr. * Thomas A. Damaskinos * Jeannine Marie Damiani-Jones * Patrick W. Danahy * Nana Danso * Vincent Danz * Dwight Donald Darcy * Elizabeth Ann Darling * Annette Andrea Dataram * Lawrence Davidson * Michael Allen Davidson * Scott Matthew Davidson * Titus Davidson * Niurka Davila * Clinton Davis * Wayne Terrial Davis * Anthony Richard Dawson * Calvin Dawson * Edward James Day * Jayceryll de Chavez * Jennifer De Jesus * Monique E. De Jesus * Nereida De Jesus * Emerita De La Pena * Azucena Maria de la Torre * David Paul De Rubbio * Jemal Legesse De Santis  * Christian Louis De Simone * Melanie Louise De Vere * William Thomas Dean * Robert J. DeAngelis, Jr. * Thomas Patrick DeAngelis * Tara E. Debek * Anna Marjia DeBin * James V. Deblase * Paul DeCola * Simon Marash Dedvukaj * Jason Defazio * David A. DeFeo * Manuel Del Valle, Jr. * Donald Arthur Delapenha * Vito Joseph DeLeo * Danielle Anne Delie * Joseph A. Della Pietra * Andrea DellaBella * Palmina DelliGatti * Colleen Ann Deloughery * Francis Albert DeMartini * Anthony Demas * Martin N. DeMeo  * Francis Deming * Carol K. Demitz * Kevin Dennis * Thomas F. Dennis * Jean DePalma * Jose Depena * Robert John Deraney * Michael DeRienzo * Edward DeSimone III * Andrew Desperito * Cindy Ann Deuel * Jerry DeVito * Robert P. Devitt, Jr. * Dennis Lawrence Devlin * Gerard Dewan * Sulemanali Kassamali Dhanani * Patricia Florence Di Chiaro * Debra Ann Di Martino * Michael Louis Diagostino * Matthew Diaz * Nancy Diaz * Rafael Arturo Diaz * Michael A. Diaz-Piedra III * Judith Berquis Diaz-Sierra * Joseph Dermot Dickey, Jr. * Lawrence Patrick Dickinson * Michael D. Diehl * John Difato * Vincent Difazio * Carl Anthony DiFranco * Donald Difranco * Stephen Patrick Dimino * William John Dimmling * Marisa DiNardo Schorpp * Christopher M. Dincuff * Jeffrey Mark Dingle * Anthony Dionisio  * George DiPasquale * Joseph Dipilato * Douglas Frank DiStefano * Ramzi A. Doany * John Joseph Doherty * Melissa C. Doi * Brendan Dolan * Neil Matthew Dollard * James Joseph Domanico  * Benilda Pascua Domingo  * Carlos Dominguez * Jerome Mark Patrick Dominguez * Kevin W. Donnelly * Jacqueline Donovan * Stephen Scott Dorf * Thomas Dowd * Kevin Dowdell * Mary Yolanda Dowling * Raymond Mathew Downey * Frank Joseph Doyle * Joseph Michael Doyle * Stephen Patrick Driscoll * Mirna A. Duarte * Michelle Beale Duberry  * Luke A. Dudek * Christopher Michael Duffy  * Gerard Duffy * Michael Joseph Duffy * Thomas W. Duffy  * Antoinette Duger  * Sareve Dukat * Christopher Joseph Dunne * Richard Anthony Dunstan * Patrick Thomas Dwyer * Joseph Anthony Eacobacci * John Bruce Eagleson * Robert Douglas Eaton * Dean Phillip Eberling * Margaret Ruth Echtermann * Paul Robert Eckna * Constantine Economos * Dennis Michael Edwards * Michael Hardy Edwards * Christine Egan * Lisa Egan * Martin J. Egan, Jr. * Michael Egan * Samantha Martin Egan * Carole Eggert * Lisa Caren Ehrlich * John Ernst Eichler * Eric Adam Eisenberg * Daphne Ferlinda Elder * Michael J. Elferis  * Mark Joseph Ellis * Valerie Silver Ellis * Albert Alfy William Elmarry * Edgar Hendricks Emery, Jr. * Doris Suk-Yuen Eng * Christopher Epps * Ulf Ramm Ericson * Erwin L. Erker * William John Erwin * Jose Espinal * Fanny Espinoza * Bridget Ann Esposito * Francis Esposito  * Michael Esposito  * William Esposito  * Ruben Esquilin, Jr. * Sadie Ette * Barbara G. Etzold * Eric Brian Evans * Robert Evans * Meredith Emily June Ewart * Catherine K. Fagan * Patricia Mary Fagan * Keith George Fairben * Sandra Fajardo-Smith * William F. Fallon * William Lawrence Fallon, Jr. * Anthony J. Fallone, Jr. * Dolores Brigitte Fanelli * John Joseph Fanning * Kathleen Anne Faragher * Thomas Farino * Nancy Carole Farley * Elizabeth Ann Farmer * Douglas Jon Farnum * John G. Farrell * John W. Farrell * Terrence Patrick Farrell * Joseph D. Farrelly * Thomas Patrick Farrelly * Syed Abdul Fatha * Christopher Edward Faughnan * Wendy R. Faulkner * Shannon Marie Fava * Bernard D. Favuzza * Robert Fazio, Jr. * Ronald Carl Fazio * William Feehan * Francis Jude Feely * Garth Erin Feeney * Sean B. Fegan * Lee S. Fehling * Peter Adam Feidelberg * Alan D. Feinberg  * Rosa Maria Feliciano * Edward Thomas Fergus, Jr. * George Ferguson * Henry Fernandez  * Judy Hazel Fernandez * Julio Fernandez * Elisa Giselle Ferraina * Anne Marie Sallerin Ferreira * Robert John Ferris * David Francis Ferrugio * Louis V. Fersini * Michael David Ferugio * Bradley James Fetchet * Jennifer Louise Fialko * Kristen Nicole Fiedel * Samuel Fields * Michael Bradley Finnegan  * Timothy J. Finnerty * Michael Curtis Fiore * Stephen S R Fiorelli, Sr. * Paul M. Fiori * John B. Fiorito * John R. Fischer * Andrew Fisher * Bennett Lawson Fisher * John Roger Fisher * Thomas J. Fisher  * Lucy A. Fishman * Ryan D. Fitzgerald * Thomas James Fitzpatrick * Richard P. Fitzsimons * Salvatore Fiumefreddo * Christina Donovan Flannery * Eileen Flecha * Andre G. Fletcher * Carl M. Flickinger  * John Joseph Florio * Joseph Walken Flounders  * David Fodor * Michael N. Fodor  * Stephen Mark Fogel * Thomas Foley * David J. Fontana  * Chih Min Foo * Godwin Forde * Donald A. Foreman * Christopher Hugh Forsythe * Claudia Alicia Foster * Noel John Foster  * Ana Fosteris * Robert Joseph Foti * Jeffrey Fox * Virginia Fox * Pauline Francis * Virgin Francis * Gary Jay Frank * Morton H. Frank * Peter Christopher Frank * Richard K. Fraser * Kevin J. Frawley * Clyde Frazier, Jr.  * Lillian Inez Frederick * Andrew Fredricks * Tamitha Freeman * Brett Owen Freiman * Peter L. Freund * Arlene Eva Fried  * Alan Wayne Friedlander * Andrew Keith Friedman * Gregg J. Froehner * Peter Christian Fry * Clement A. Fumando * Steven Elliot Furman * Paul Furmato * Fredric Neal Gabler * Richard Samuel Federick Gabrielle * James Andrew Gadiel * Pamela Lee Gaff  * Ervin Vincent Gailliard * Deanna Lynn Galante * Grace Catherine Galante * Anthony Edward Gallagher * Daniel James Gallagher * John Patrick Gallagher * Lourdes Galletti * Cono E. Gallo * Vincenzo Gallucci * Thomas E. Galvin * Giovanna Galletta Gambale * Thomas Gambino, Jr. * Giann Franco Gamboa * Peter Ganci * Ladkat K. Ganesh * Claude Michael Gann * Osseni Garba * Charles William Garbarini  * Ceasar Garcia * David Garcia * Juan Garcia * Marlyn Del Carmen Garcia * Christopher S. Gardner * Douglas Benjamin Gardner * Harvey J. Gardner III * Jeffrey Brian Gardner * Thomas Gardner  * William Arthur Gardner * Francesco Garfi * Rocco Nino Gargano * James M. Gartenberg * Matthew David Garvey * Bruce Gary * Boyd Alan Gatton * Donald Richard Gavagan, Jr. * Terence D. Gazzani * Gary Geidel * Paul Hamilton Geier * Julie M. Geis * Peter G. 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Rivas * Joseph Rivelli * Carmen Alicia Rivera * Isaias Rivera * Juan William Rivera * Linda Ivelisse Rivera * David E. Rivers * Joseph R. Riverso * Paul V. Rizza * John Frank Rizzo  * Stephen Louis Roach * Joseph Roberto * Leo Arthur Roberts * Michael Roberts * Michael Edward Roberts * Donald Walter Robertson, Jr. * Catherina Robinson * Jeffery Robinson * Michell Lee Jean Robotham * Donald A. Robson * Antonio A. Rocha * Raymond James Rocha * Laura Rockefeller * John Rodak * Antonio J. Rodrigues * Anthony Rodriguez * Carmen Milagros Rodriguez * Gregory Ernesto Rodriguez * Marsha A. Rodriguez * Mayra Valdes Rodriguez * Richard Rodriguez * David Bartolo Rodriguez-Vargas * Matthew Rogan * Karlie Barbara Rogers * Scott Williams Rohner * Keith Roma * Joseph M. Romagnolo * Efrain Romero, Sr. * Elvin Romero * Juan Romero  * Orozco James A. Romito  * Sean Paul Rooney * Eric Thomas Ropiteau * Aida Rosario * Angela Rosario * Wendy Alice Rosario Wakeford * Mark Rosen * Brooke David Rosenbaum * Linda Rosenbaum * Sheryl Lynn Rosenbaum * Lloyd Daniel Rosenberg * Mark Louis Rosenberg * Andrew Ira Rosenblum * Joshua M. Rosenblum * Joshua Alan Rosenthal * Richard David Rosenthal * Daniel Rosetti * Norman S. Rossinow * Nicholas P. Rossomando * Michael Craig Rothberg * Donna Marie Rothenberg * Nicholas Rowe * Timothy Alan Roy, Sr. * Paul G. Ruback * Ronald J. Ruben * Joanne Rubino * David M. Ruddle * Bart Joseph Ruggiere * Susan A. Ruggiero * Adam Keith Ruhalter * Gilbert Ruiz * Obdulio Ruiz Diaz * Stephen P. Russell * Steven Harris Russin * Michael Thomas Russo, Sr. * Wayne Alan Russo * Edward Ryan * John Joseph Ryan, Jr. * Jonathan Stephan Ryan * Matthew Lancelot Ryan * Tatiana Ryjova * Christina Sunga Ryook * Thierry Saada * Jason Elazar Sabbag * Thomas E. Sabella * Scott Saber * Joseph Francis Sacerdote * Neeraha Sadaranghgani  * Mohammad Ali Sadeque * Francis John Sadocha * Jude Safi * Brock Joel Safronoff * Edward Saiya * John Patrick Salamone * Hernando Salas * Juan G. Salas * Esmerlin Antonio Salcedo  * John Salvatore Salerno, Jr. * Richard L. Salinardi, Jr. * Wayne John Saloman * Nolbert Salomon * Catherine Patricia Salter * Frank Salvaterra * Paul Richard Salvio * Samuel Robert Salvo, Jr. * Rena Sam-Dinnoo * Carlos Alberto Samaniego * James Kenneth Samuel, Jr. * Michael San Phillip * Sylvia San Pio * Hugo M. Sanay * Erick Sanchez * Jacquelyn Patrice Sanchez * Eric M. Sand * Stacey Leigh Sanders * Herman S. Sandler * James Sands, Jr. * Ayleen J. Santiago * Kirsten Santiago * Maria Theresa Santillan * Susan Gayle Santo * Christopher Santora * John A. Santore * Mario L. Santoro * Rafael Humberto Santos * Rufino Conrado Flores Santos Iii * Jorge Octavio Santos Anaya * Kalyan Sarkar * Chapelle R. Sarker * Paul F. Sarle * Deepika Kumar Sattaluri * Gregory Thomas Saucedo * Susan M. Sauer * Anthony Savas * Vladimir Savinkin * Jackie Sayegh * John Michael Sbarbaro * Robert L. Scandole, Jr. * Michelle Scarpitta * Dennis Scauso * John Albert Schardt * John G. Scharf * Frederick Claude Scheffold, Jr. * Angela Susan Scheinberg  * Scott Mitchell Schertzer * Sean Schielke * Steven Francis Schlag * Jon Schlissel * Karen Helene Schmidt * Ian Schneider * Thomas G. Schoales * Frank G. Schott, Jr. * Gerard Patrick Schrang * Jeffrey H. Schreier * John T. Schroeder * Susan Lee Schuler * Edward William Schunk * Mark E. Schurmeier * Clarin Shellie Schwartz * John Burkhart Schwartz * Mark Schwartz * Adriane Victoria Scibetta * Raphael Scorca * Randolph Scott * Sheila Scott  * Christopher Jay Scudder * Arthur Warren Scullin * Michael Herman Seaman * Margaret M. Seeliger * Anthony Segarra * Carlos Segarra * Jason Sekzer * Matthew Carmen Sellitto * Howard Selwyn * Larry John Senko * Arturo Angelo Sereno * Frankie Serrano * Alena Sesinova * Adele Christine Sessa * Sita Nermalla Sewnarine * Karen Lynn Seymour * Davis Sezna * Thomas Joseph Sgroi * Jayesh S. Shah * Khalid M. Shahid  * Mohammed Shajahan * Gary Shamay * Earl Richard Shanahan * Neil Shastri * Kathryn Anne Shatzoff * Barbara A. Shaw  * Jeffrey James Shaw * Robert John Shay, Jr. * Daniel James Shea * Joseph Patrick Shea * Linda Sheehan * Hagay Shefi * John Anthony Sherry * Atsushi Shiratori * Thomas Joseph Shubert * Mark Shulman * See Wong Shum  * Allan Abraham Shwartzstein * Johanna Sigmund * Dianne T. Signer  * Gregory Sikorsky  * Stephen Gerard Siller * David Silver * Craig A. Silverstein * Nasima Hameed Simjee * Bruce Edward Simmons * Arthur Simon * Kenneth Alan Simon * Michael J. Simon  * Paul Joseph Simon * Marianne Teresa Simone * Barry Simowitz * Jeff Lyal Simpson * Khamladai Singh  * Kulwant Singh * Roshan Ramesh Singh * Thomas E. Sinton III * Peter A. Siracuse * Muriel Fay Siskopoulos * Joseph Michael Sisolak * John P. Skala * Francis Joseph Skidmore, Jr. * Toyena Skinner * Paul A. Skrzypek  * Christopher Paul Slattery * Vincent Robert Slavin * Robert F. Sliwak * Paul K. Sloan * Stanley S. Smagala, Jr. * Wendy L. Small * Catherine Smith * Daniel Laurence Smith * George Eric Smith * James Gregory Smith * Jeffrey R. Smith * Joyce Patricia Smith * Karl T. Smith * Keisha Smith * Kevin Joseph Smith * Leon Smith, Jr. * Moira Ann Smith * Rosemary A. Smith * Bonnie Jeanne Smithwick  * Rochelle Monique Snell * Leonard J. Snyder, Jr. * Astrid Elizabeth Sohan * Sushil S. Solanki  * Ruben Solares * Naomi Leah Solomon * Daniel W. Song * Michael Charles Sorresse  * Fabian Soto * Timothy Patrick Soulas * Gregory Spagnoletti * Donald F. Spampinato, Jr. * Thomas Sparacio * John Anthony Spataro * Robert W. Spear, Jr. * Maynard S. Spence, Jr. * George Edward Spencer III * Robert Andrew Spencer * Mary Rubina Sperando * Tina Spicer * Frank Spinelli * William E. Spitz * Joseph Spor, Jr. * Klaus Johannes Sprockamp * Saranya Srinuan * Fitzroy St. Rose * Michael F. Stabile * Lawrence T. Stack * Timothy M. Stackpole * Richard James Stadelberger * Eric Stahlman * Gregory Stajk * Alexandru Liviu Stan * Corina Stan * Mary Domenica Stanley * Anthony Starita * Jeffrey Stark * Derek James Statkevicus  * Craig William Staub * William V. Steckman * Eric Thomas Steen * William R. Steiner * Alexander Steinman * Andrew Stergiopoulos * Andrew Stern * Martha Stevens * Michael James Stewart * Richard H. Stewart, Jr. * Sanford M. Stoller * Lonny Jay Stone * Jimmy Nevill Storey * Timothy Stout * Thomas Strada * James J. Straine, Jr. * Edward W. Straub * George J. Strauch, Jr. * Edward T. Strauss * Steven R. Strauss * Steven F. Strobert * Walwyn W. Stuart, Jr. * Benjamin Suarez  * David Scott Suarez * Ramon Suarez * Yoichi Sugiyama * William Christopher Sugra * Daniel Suhr * David Marc Sullins * Christopher P. Sullivan * Patrick Sullivan * Thomas Sullivan * Hilario Soriano Sumaya, Jr. * James Joseph Suozzo * Colleen Supinski  * Robert Sutcliffe * Seline Sutter * Claudia Suzette Sutton * John Francis Swaine * Kristine M. Swearson * Brian Edward Sweeney * Kenneth J. Swenson * Thomas Swift * Derek Ogilvie Sword * Kevin Thomas Szocik * Gina Sztejnberg * Norbert P. Szurkowski * Harry Taback * Joann Tabeek * Norma C. Taddei  * Michael Taddonio * Keiichiro Takahashi * Keiji Takahashi * Phyllis Gail Talbot * Robert Talhami * Sean Patrick Tallon * Paul Talty * Maurita Tam * Rachel Tamares * Hector Tamayo * Michael Andrew Tamuccio * Kenichiro Tanaka * Rhondelle Cheri Tankard * Michael Anthony Tanner * Dennis Gerard Taormina, Jr. * Kenneth Joseph Tarantino  * Allan Tarasiewicz * Ronald Tartaro * Darryl Anthony Taylor * Donnie Brooks Taylor * Lorisa Ceylon Taylor * Michael Morgan Taylor * Paul A. Tegtmeier * Yeshauant Tembe * Anthony Tempesta * Dorothy Pearl Temple * Stanley Temple * David Tengelin * Brian John Terrenzi * Lisa M. Terry * Shell Tester  * Goumatie T. Thackurdeen  * Sumati Thakur * Harshad Sham Thatte * Thomas F. Theurkauf, Jr. * Lesley Anne Thomas * Brian Thomas Thompson * Clive Thompson * Glenn Thompson  * Nigel Bruce Thompson * Perry A. Thompson * Vanavah Alexei Thompson * William H. Thompson * Eric Raymond Thorpe * Nichola Angela Thorpe * Sal Edward Tieri, Jr. * John p Tierney * Mary Ellen Tiesi * William R. Tieste  * Kenneth Francis Tietjen * Stephen Edward Tighe * Scott Charles Timmes * Michael E. Tinley  * Jennifer M. Tino * Robert Frank Tipaldi * John James Tipping II * David Tirado * Hector Luis Tirado, Jr. * Michelle Lee Titolo * John J. Tobin * Richard Todisco * Vladimir Tomasevic * Stephen Kevin Tompsett * Thomas Tong * Doris Torres * Luis Eduardo Torres * Amy Elizabeth Toyen * Christopher Michael Traina * Daniel Patrick Trant * Abdoul Karim Traore * Glenn J. Travers * Walter Philip Travers * Felicia Y. Traylor-Bass * Lisa L. Trerotola * Karamo Trerra * Michael Angel Trinidad * Francis Joseph Trombino * Gregory James Trost * William P. Tselepis * Zhanetta Valentinovna Tsoy * Michael Tucker * Lance Richard Tumulty * Ching Ping Tung * Simon James Turner * Donald Joseph Tuzio * Robert T. Twomey * Jennifer Tzemis * John G. Ueltzhoeffer * Tyler V. Ugolyn * Michael A. Uliano * Jonathan J. Uman * Anil Shivhari Umarkar * Allen V. Upton * Diane Marie Urban * John Damien Vaccacio * Bradley Hodges Vadas * Renuta Vaidea  * William Valcarcel  * Felix Antonio Vale * Ivan Vale * Benito Valentin * Santos Valentin, Jr. * Carlton Francis Valvo II * Erica H. Van Acker * Kenneth W. Van Auken * Richard B. Van Hine * Daniel M. Van Laere * Edward Raymond Vanacore * Jon C. Vandevander * Barrett Vanvelzer, 4  * Edward Vanvelzer  * Paul Herman Vanvelzer * Frederick Thomas Varacchi * Gopalakrishnan Varadhan  * David Vargas * Scott C. Vasel * Azael Ismael Vasquez * Arcangel Vazquez * Santos Vazquez * Peter Anthony Vega * Sankara S. Velamuri * Jorge Velazquez * Lawrence G. Veling * Anthony Mark Ventura * David Vera * Loretta Ann Vero  * Christopher James Vialonga * Matthew Gilbert Vianna * Robert Anthony Vicario * Celeste Torres Victoria * Joanna Vidal * John T. Vigiano II  * Joseph Vincent Vigiano * Frank J. Vignola, Jr. * Joseph Barry Vilardo * Sergio Villanueva * Chantal Vincelli * Melissa Vincent * Francine Ann Virgilio * Lawrence Virgilio * Joseph Gerard Visciano * Joshua S. Vitale * Maria Percoco Vola * Lynette D. Vosges * Garo H. Voskerijian * Alfred Vukosa * Gregory Kamal Bruno Wachtler * Gabriela Waisman * Courtney Wainsworth Walcott * Victor Wald * Benjamin James Walker * Glen Wall * Mitchel Scott Wallace * Peter Guyder Wallace * Robert Francis Wallace * Roy Michael Wallace * Jeanmarie Wallendorf * Matthew Blake Wallens * John Wallice, Jr. * Barbara P. Walsh * James Henry Walsh * Jeffrey P. Walz * Ching Wang * Weibin Wang * Michael Warchola * Stephen Gordon Ward * James Arthur Waring * Brian G. Warner * Derrick Washington * Charles Waters * James Thomas Waters, Jr. * Patrick J. Waters  * Kenneth Thomas Watson * Michael Henry Waye * Todd Christopher Weaver  * Walter Edward Weaver * Nathaniel Webb * Dinah Webster * Joanne Flora Weil * Michael T. Weinberg * Steven Weinberg  * Scott Jeffrey Weingard * Steven George Weinstein  * Simon Weiser * David M. Weiss * David Thomas Weiss * Vincent Michael Wells * Timothy Matthew Welty * Christian Hans Rudolf Wemmers * Ssu-Hui Wen * Oleh D. Wengerchuk * Peter M. West * Whitfield West, Jr. * Meredith Lynn Whalen * Eugene Whelan * Adam S. White * Edward James White III * James Patrick White * John Sylvester White * Kenneth Wilburn White, Jr. * Leonard Anthony White * Malissa Y. White * Wayne White * Leanne Marie Whiteside * Mark P. Whitford * Michael T. Wholey * Mary Catherine Wieman * Jeffrey David Wiener * Wilham J. Wik * Alison Marie Wildman * Glenn E. Wilkenson * John C. Willett * Brian Patrick Williams * Crossley Richard Williams, Jr. * David J. Williams  * Deborah Lynn Williams * Kevin Michael Williams * Louie Anthony Williams * Louis Calvin Williams III * John P. Williamson * Donna Ann Wilson * William Wilson * David Harold Winton * Glenn J. Winuk * Thomas Francis Wise * Alan L. Wisniewski * Frank Thomas Wisniewski * David Wiswall * Sigrid Wiswe * Michael Wittenstein * Christopher W. Wodenshek * Martin P. Wohlforth * Katherine Susan Wolf * Jennifer Yen Wong * Siu Cheung Wong * Yin Ping Wong * Yuk Ping Wong * Brent James Woodall * James John Woods * Patrick J. Woods  * Richard Herron Woodwell * David Terence Wooley * John Bentley Works * Martin Michael Wortley * Rodney James Wotton * William Wren * John Wayne Wright * Neil Robin Wright * Sandra Lee Wright * Jupiter Yambem * Suresh Yanamadala * Matthew David Yarnell * Myrna Yaskulka * Shakila Yasmin * Olabisi Shadie Layeni Yee * William Yemele * Edward P. York * Kevin Patrick York * Raymond R. York  * Suzanne Youmans * Barrington Young  * Jacqueline Young * Elkin Yuen * Joseph C. Zaccoli * Adel Agayby Zakhary * Arkady Zaltsman * Edwin J. Zambrana, Jr. * Robert Alan Zampieri * Mark Zangrilli * Ira Zaslow * Kenneth Albert Zelman * Abraham J. Zelmanowitz * Martin Morales Zempoaltecatl * Zhe Zeng * Marc Scott Zeplin * Jie Yao Justin Zhao * Ivelin Ziminski * Michael Joseph Zinzi * Charles A. Zion * Julie Lynne Zipper * Salvatore Zisa * Prokopios Paul Zois * Joseph J. Zuccala * Andrew S. Zucker * Igor Zukelman * List of Victims on American Airlines Flight 11  * Anna Allison * David Lawrence Angell * Lynn Edwards Angell  * Seima Aoyama  * Barbara Jean Arestegui  * Myra Joy Aronson * Christine Barbuto * Carolyn Beug * Kelly Ann Booms  * Carol Marie Bouchard * Robin Lynne Kaplan * Neilie Anne Heffernan Casey * Jeffrey Dwayne Collman  * Jeffrey W. Coombs * Tara Kathleen Creamer  * Thelma Cuccinello * Patrick Currivan  * Brian Paul Dale  * David Dimeglio  * Donald Americo Ditullio  * Alberto Dominguez * Paige Marie Farley-Hackel * Alexander Milan Filipov * Carol Ann Flyzik  * Paul J. Friedman  * Karleton D.B. Fyfe * Peter Alan Gay  * Linda M. George  * Edmund Glazer  * Lisa Reinhart Gordenstein  * Andrew Peter Charles Curry Green  * Peter Paul Hashem  * Robert Jay Hayes * Edward R. Hennessy, Jr.  * John A. Hofer * Cora Hidalgo Holland * John Nicholas Humber, Jr.  * Waleed Joseph Iskandar  * John Charles Jenkins * Charles Edward Jones * Barbara A. Keating  * David P. Kovalcin * Judith Camilla Larocque  * Natalie Janis Lasden * Daniel John Lee  * Daniel M. Lewin  * Sara Elizabeth Low * Susan A. Mackay * Karen Ann Martin  * Thomas F. McGuinness, Jr. * Christopher D. Mello  * Jeffrey Peter Mladenik * Carlos Alberto Montoya  * Antonio Jesus Montoya Valdes * Laura Lee Morabito  * Mildred Naiman  * Laurie Ann Neira  * Renee Lucille Newell  * Kathleen Ann Nicosia * Jacqueline June Norton  * Robert Grant Norton * John Ogonowski  * Betty Ann Ong * Jane M. Orth * Thomas Nicholas Pecorelli * Berinthia B. Perkins * Sonia M. Puopolo * David E. Retik * Jean Destrehan Roger * Philip Martin Rosenzweig  * Richard Barry Ross  * Jessica Leigh Sachs  * Rahma Salie * Heather Lee Smith * Dianne Bullis Snyder  * Douglas Joel Stone  * Xavier Suarez * Madeline Amy Sweeney  * Michael Theodoridis * James Anthony Trentini * Mary Barbara Trentini * Pendyala Vamsikrishna  * Mary Alice Wahlstrom * Kenneth Waldie  * John Joseph Wenckus * Candace Lee Williams * Christopher Rudolph Zarba, Jr. *  List of Victims on United Airlines Flight 175  * Alona Abraham  * Garnet Edward Bailey * Mark Lawrence Bavis * Graham Andrew Berkeley  * Touri Bolourchi  * Klaus Bothe  * Daniel Raymond Brandhorst  * David Reed Gamboa Brandhorst * John Brett Cahill  * Christoffer Mikael Carstanjen * John J. Corcoran III * Dorothy Alma de Araujo  * Ana Gloria Pocasangre Debarrera  * Robert John Fangman * Lisa Anne Frost  * Ronald Gamboa  * Lynn Catherine Goodchild  * Peter M. Goodrich * Douglas Alan Gowell  * Francis Edward Grogan  * Carl Max Hammond, Jr.  * Christine Lee Hanson * Peter Burton Hanson  * Susan Kim Hanson  * Gerald Francis Hardacre  * Eric Hartono * James Edward Hayden  * Herbert Wilson Homer * Michael Robert Horrocks  * Robert Adrien Jalbert * Amy N. Jarret * Ralph Kershaw  * Heinrich Kimmig  * Amy R. King * Brian Kinney * Kathryn L. LaBorie * Robert G. Leblanc * Maclovio Lopez, Jr.  * Marianne Macfarlane * Alfred Gilles Marchand * Louis Mariani * Juliana McCourt * Ruth Magdaline McCourt  * Wolfgang Peter Menzel * Shawn M. Nassaney * Marie Pappalardo * Patrick J. Quigley IV * Frederick Charles Rimmele III  * James Roux * Jesus Sanchez  * Victor J. Saracini  * Mary Kathleen Shearer * Robert M. Shearer * Jane Louise Simpkin * Brian David Sweeney * Michael C. Tarrou * Alicia N. Titus * Timothy Ray Ward * William Michael Weems  *  List of Victims at the Pentagon (Not Including Flight 77) * SPC Craig S. Amundson, USA * YN3 Melissa Rose Barnes, USN * MSG Max J. Beilke, Retired * IT2 Kris Romeo Bishundat, USN * Carrie R. Blagburn * COL Canfield D. Boone, ARNG * Donna M. Bowen * Allen P. Boyle * ET3 Christopher L. Burford, USN * ET3 Daniel M. Caballero, USN * SFC Jose O. Calderon-Olmedo, USA * Angelene C. Carter * Sharon A. Carver * SFC John J. Chada, USA, Retired * Rosa Maria Chapa * Julian T. Cooper * LCDR Eric A. Cranford, USN * Ada M. Davis * CAPT Gerald F. DeConto, USN * LTC Jerry D. Dickerson, USA * IT1 Johnnie Doctor, Jr., USN * CAPT Robert E. Dolan, Jr., USN * CDR William H. Donovan, USN * CDR Patrick Dunn, USN * AG1 Edward T. Earhart, USN * LCDR Robert R. Elseth, USNR * SK3 Jamie L. Fallon, USN * Amelia V. Fields * Gerald P. Fisher * AG2 Matthew M. Flocco, USN * Sandra N. Foster * CAPT Lawrence D. Getzfred, USN * Cortez Ghee * Brenda C. Gibson * COL Ronald F. Golinski, USA, Retired * Diane Hale-McKinzy * Carolyn B. Halmon * Sheila M.S. Hein * ET1 Ronald J. Hemenway, USN * MAJ Wallace Cole Hogan, Jr., USA * SSG Jimmie I. Holley, USA, Retired * Angela M. Houtz * Brady Kay Howell * Peggie M. Hurt * LTC Stephen N. Hyland, Jr., USA * Lt Col Robert J. Hymel, USAF, Retired * SGM Lacey B. Ivory, USA * LTC Dennis M. Johnson, USA * Judith L. Jones * Brenda Kegler * LT Michael S. Lamana, USN * David W. Laychak * Samantha L. Lightbourn-Allen * MAJ Stephen V. Long, USA * James T. Lynch, Jr. * Terence M. Lynch * OS2 Nehamon Lyons IV, USN * Shelley A. Marshall * Teresa M. Martin * Ada L. Mason-Acker * LTC Dean E. Mattson, USA * LTG Timothy J. Maude, USA * Robert J. Maxwell * Molly L. McKenzie * Patricia E. Mickley * MAJ Ronald D. Milam, USA * Gerard P. Moran, Jr. * Odessa V. Morris * ET1 Brian A. Moss, USN * Teddington H. Moy * LCDR Patrick J. Murphy, USNR * Khang Ngoc Nguyen * DM2 Michael A. Noeth, USN * Ruben S. Ornedo * Diana B. Padro * LT Jonas M. Panik, USNR * MAJ Clifford L. Patterson, Jr., USA * LT Darin H. Pontell, USNR * Scott Powell * CAPT Jack D. Punches, USN, Retired * AW1 Joseph J. Pycior, Jr., USN * Deborah A. Ramsaur * Rhonda Sue Rasmussen  * IT1 Marsha D. Ratchford, USN * Martha M. Reszke * Cecelia E. (Lawson) Richard * Edward V. Rowenhorst * Judy Rowlett * SGM Robert E. Russell, USA, Retired * CW4 William R. Ruth, ARNG * Charles E. Sabin, Sr. * Marjorie C. Salamone * COL David M. Scales, USA * CDR Robert A. Schlegel, USN * Janice M. Scott * LTC Michael L. Selves, USA, Retired * Marian H. Serva * CDR Dan F. Shanower, USN * Antionette M. Sherman * Diane M. Simmons * Cheryle D. Sincock * ITC Gregg H. Smallwood, USN * LTC Gary F. Smith, USA, Retired * Patricia J. Statz * Edna L. Stephens * SGM Larry L. Strickland, USA * LTC Kip P. Taylor, USA * Sandra C. Taylor * LTC Karl W. Teepe, USA, Retired * SGT Tamara C. Thurman, USA * LCDR Otis V. Tolbert, USN * SSG Willie Q. Troy, USA, Retired * LCDR Ronald J. Vauk, USNR * LTC Karen J. Wagner, USA * Meta L. (Fuller) Waller * SPC Chin Sun Pak Wells, USA * SSG Maudlyn A. White, USA * Sandra L. White * Ernest M. Willcher * LCDR David L. Williams, USN * MAJ Dwayne Williams, USA * RMC Marvin Roger Woods, USN, Retired * IT2 Kevin W. Yokum, USN * ITC Donald M. Young, USN * Edmond G. Young, Jr. * Lisa L. Young  *  * List of Victims on American Airlines Flight 77 * Paul W. Ambrose * Yeneneh Betru * Mary Jane Booth * Bernard C. Brown, II * CAPT Charles F. Burlingame III, USNR, Retired * Suzanne M. Calley * William E. Caswell * David M. Charlebois * Sarah M. Clark * Asia S. Cottom * James D. Debeuneure * Rodney Dickens * Eddie A. Dillard * LCDR Charles A. Droz III, USN, Retired * Barbara G. Edwards * Charles S. Falkenberg * Dana Falkenberg * Zoe Falkenberg * J. Joseph Ferguson * Darlene E. Flagg * RADM Wilson F. Flagg, USNR, Retired * 1stLt Richard P. Gabriel, USMC, Retired * Ian J. Gray * Stanley R. Hall * Michele M. Heidenberger * Bryan C. Jack * Steven D. Jacoby * Ann C. Judge * Chandler R. Keller * Yvonne E. Kennedy * Norma Cruz Khan * Karen Ann Kincaid * Dong Chul Lee * Jennifer Lewis * Kenneth E. Lewis * Renee A. May * Dora Marie Menchaca * Christopher C. Newton * Barbara K. Olson * Ruben S. Ornedo * Robert Penninger * Robert R. Ploger III * Zandra F. Ploger  * Lisa J. Raines * Todd H. Reuben * John P. Sammartino * George W. Simmons * Donald D. Simmons * Mari-Rae Sopper * Robert Speisman * Norma Lang Steuerle * Hilda E. Taylor * Leonard E. Taylor * Sandra D. Teague * Leslie A. Whittington * CAPT John D. Yamnicky, Sr., USN, Retired * Vicki Yancey * Shuyin Yang * Yuguag Zheng  *  * List of Victims on United Airlines Flight 93  *Christian Adams * Lorraine G. Bay * Todd Beamer * Alan Beaven * Mark K. Bingham * Deora Frances Bodley * Sandra W. Bradshaw * Marion Britton * Thomas E. Burnett Jr. * William Cashman * Georgine Rose Corrigan * Patricia Cushing * Jason Dahl * Joseph Deluca * Patrick Driscoll * Edward Porter Felt * Jane C. Folger * Colleen Fraser * Andrew Garcia * Jeremy Glick * Lauren Grandcolas * Wanda A. Green * Donald F. Greene * Linda Gronlund * Richard Guadagno * Leroy Homer, Jr. * Toshiya Kuge * CeeCee Lyles * Hilda Marcin * Waleska Martinez  * Nicole Miller * Louis J. Nacke, II * Donald Arthur Peterson * Jean Hoadley Peterson * Mark Rothenberg * Christine Snyder * John Talignani * Honor Elizabeth Wainio * Deborah Ann Jacobs Welsh * Kristin Gould White *