Through the Looking Glass

2019

What a year, huh?

So many people I know are saying that it was a hard year, and I cannot disagree. It was on many levels one of the hardest years for me in a long time. If it was for you as well, you have my heart.

But in many ways, it was an amazing year, as well. A year of growth, and a year of changes. It was the year where I discovered The Isle of Skye, and I saw Philly and NYC again.  I had some pretty cool adventures, too. I invested in a really nice camera (okay, two) and committed to taking better, more intentional pictures. I printed some of my stuff and hung it on the walls of my homes, even. I bought my very first new car- not new to me, but brand new! I'm never going to drive junk again, no matter how much I love it. I may buy an old car to play with, but not as a daily driver.  Also, I came to terms with some things that were always important, but never really made important in my life.

Things often went in funny directions, but there's always something to learn.


So now I sit here in an empty house, typing for myself and committing to blogging more in 2020. I will find people to challenge as well - do YOU want to write more? We all should, I think.
Maybe I'll actually do a photo blog as well, I'm not sure about that yet, but I think I'd like to.  Maybe I'll bring back Three Photo Friday on my Facebook feed - it was a good idea that never really got much traction because I didn't make it important enough. Maybe I'll finish The Dream of the Raven's Gate this year, or start a new character, or give Angus some love. Who knows?

But I know that the people in my life are really important to me. And I intend to keep loving them as I always have - with all of me.  I know that the person I am is going to grow and evolve and find new ways of being a better me. I'm worth it.  A long time ago, I was involved with a discussion about what you would tell younger you at any point in your life. It was a really great discussion (as they all were), and I believe that the advice I decided on then is the same I'd give now: We are all the same inside.
Every one of us feels the same things, I know that sounds a little hard to believe, but I do.  Every one of us has felt set aside, or nervous, or disappointed. We've all felt like the fake in the room at some point, or the last person YOU would want to hang out with. We've felt like we've fucked up BAD, or made the wrong choice, or made the right choice at the wrong time. We've felt awkward, too. But knowing that the coolest person you know has felt like an ass makes that person even cooler, doesn't it? More human?  Yeah - it does. At least to me.

As your friend and mine Mr. John Hughes made enormously famous:

"You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club."


I'm here with you - all of you. A photographer, an artist, a writer, a blacksmith, a basket case, an otaku, a nerd, a gamer, a runner, a mechanic, a parent and a child, a grandfather, and a criminal. I'm here with all of you, whoever you are.

I wish you all a happy new year 2020. I wish you all the best and brightest.

m

The Last Love Letter: Goodnight Starlight

Beloved,

If I had a T.A.R.D.I.S.what would I do? Would we go back again and again as we spoke so often about? Would we live our lifetimes over and over together in the chaos of the infinite universe? Would we just open the door and step out into places we made up together in our imagination?

I would not, however, go back in time and change what happened, even if it was "for the better". If I did that, it would change what we DID have. It would change the laughter and the love and the tears we shared. It would remove the memories I carry now and replace them with something that wasn't us. And I look back on our life too fondly to let that happen.  Instead, I'll sit with the hurt and the sorrow right now, and I will be brave and hopeful for whatever comes next between us. I'll go visit the secret library we built. I'll step quietly down the stairs into the basement, holding my breath so as to not wake my monsters, and cast the lamplight upon the volumes we have written during the life we lived as one. 

There's that story over there where we learned about how to share space, and here's where we cried over what wasn't way back when. Oh, and then there's "The Treehouse Stories"... always good for warm tears and sad smiles.  We have Calvin and Hobbes, and all those miles under our feet both together and apart. We have dreams we pieced back together after they were broken. We have collections called "Two Drunks in the Big Apple" and  "Dancing in the Park". So many others. All good stories to share, or to keep secret. All of Us.

So many little moments together. None of which deserve to be shattered or burned or thrown away. Each one, even if it is just a line or two, deserves to be read aloud in the darkness and cherished for what it is -  a piece of the larger story that we wrote over the course of what was "Us". 

I loved you then, and I love you still. I will sift through the picture books and collages we made in our life together and I'll cry a little here and there, as well as laugh out loud at the funny ones. I'll remember all the goddamned miles I drove to come home to you, happily. I'll see your smiling face and hold fast to the good times, and the bad. Both are deserving of respect in the bigger picture. We were a pretty good Us. 

So, as we need to write our new chapters, I'll send this letter off into the world hoping for a brighter tomorrow,  and say...

Goodnight Starlight, 

I'll see you in the sunshine. 

Love, Poet.

For I am alone in the dark, surrounded by OUR life
Dreaming under the sky of your eyes