Friday, December 13, 2019

The Last Love Letter: Goodnight Starlight

Beloved,

If I had a T.A.R.D.I.S.what would I do? Would we go back again and again as we spoke so often about? Would we live our lifetimes over and over together in the chaos of the infinite universe? Would we just open the door and step out into places we made up together in our imagination?

I would not, however, go back in time and change what happened, even if it was "for the better". If I did that, it would change what we DID have. It would change the laughter and the love and the tears we shared. It would remove the memories I carry now and replace them with something that wasn't us. And I look back on our life too fondly to let that happen.  Instead, I'll sit with the hurt and the sorrow right now, and I will be brave and hopeful for whatever comes next between us. I'll go visit the secret library we built. I'll step quietly down the stairs into the basement, holding my breath so as to not wake my monsters, and cast the lamplight upon the volumes we have written during the life we lived as one. 

There's that story over there where we learned about how to share space, and here's where we cried over what wasn't way back when. Oh, and then there's "The Treehouse Stories"... always good for warm tears and sad smiles.  We have Calvin and Hobbes, and all those miles under our feet both together and apart. We have dreams we pieced back together after they were broken. We have collections called "Two Drunks in the Big Apple" and  "Dancing in the Park". So many others. All good stories to share, or to keep secret. All of Us.

So many little moments together. None of which deserve to be shattered or burned or thrown away. Each one, even if it is just a line or two, deserves to be read aloud in the darkness and cherished for what it is -  a piece of the larger story that we wrote over the course of what was "Us". 

I loved you then, and I love you still. I will sift through the picture books and collages we made in our life together and I'll cry a little here and there, as well as laugh out loud at the funny ones. I'll remember all the goddamned miles I drove to come home to you, happily. I'll see your smiling face and hold fast to the good times, and the bad. Both are deserving of respect in the bigger picture. We were a pretty good Us. 

So, as we need to write our new chapters, I'll send this letter off into the world hoping for a brighter tomorrow,  and say...

Goodnight Starlight, 
I'll see you in the sunshine. 

Love, Poet.


For I am alone in the dark, surrounded by OUR life
Dreaming under the sky of your eyes

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