Lazily Down the River...

So, yeah. Things move on in strange ways, and we are sometimes unprepared for them. Kind of like when friends just drop by and you are sitting there in your underwear wanting a burger and some tater tots, you know?    I had a wonderful trip to beautiful and sunny Los Angeles recently. It was full of family and friends, and felt more like coming home than going away, which is good. I had the chance to actually contribute a little something to a CD release party for someone famous, met some exceptional people, and even got to help make the caterers happy at the end of the night.  The Feast of Samhain was just fabulous, and I even got to celebrate with my Pagan lovelies! Not to mention seeing the Amanda Palmer show and meeting a really interesting human being there... It was just a great trip.

The return flight was supposed to be a sleep-fest, since I was just plain-old beat, but instead I discovered that I was seated to just the most fabulous human being and had a great conversation about so many different things.  Truly, one of the best trips out there. And then I returned, into the arms of my other love.  As I previously spoke, a goodbye into a hello, and it was warm and caring... more than I ever dreamed possible.  And then the news fell.  My sweetie in LA was suddenly given the chance to start a new career, and our life together became more possible. So here I sit, staring down the barrel of another holiday season, but this year I am not wallowing in the turmoil of a fading marriage, but instead I am reveling in the hearts of women I love, friends I care for, and family more than ever.  It is a wondrous feeling, indeed.

Moving along (please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times), I get to thinking about how people perceive my public blathering about Polyamory. I wonder if there are a lot of folks just shaking their head. I'm sure most of you who read this blog know how I see the world.  If not, well stay tuned, will you?  But I do wonder sometimes.  I get asked here and there if it's really necessary to be so public about my life.  I think it is.  I think that it's important to be open about this stuff (within reason, that is). There are certain details I don't need to disclose, and I don't. I DO think it is meaningful and positive to be up front about it, and to live by example... (and I often call myself "Mr. Bad Example" as many of you know).

Honestly, there are a couple things that cropped up lately in conversation that I'd like to share.  The first is the concept that polyamory is somehow wrong.  It isn't. It's beautiful.  It's comfortable. It's honest and open. And it's for me.  It might not be for you, but it IS for me.  One of the concerns that pops up now and then is everyone getting enough time. Admittedly, it's tough.  Sometimes very tough.  But we keep trying to find ways to make it work.  It's obvious that it is important to keep talking about all of the issues as they come up, and this one does from time to time.  So far, it's worked out.  As we spend more time actually together, I am hopeful that it will settle into a comfortable rhythm.  We've had things that needed compromise, and we have managed pretty well so far.  I'm certain we will continue to be considerate of each other's needs. Love goes a long way.

Another thing that popped up in conversation is the subject of someone wanting more as things progress.  Probably.  Who knows, right?  I answered that poke with the same thought that I answer most other questions about things that haven't happened yet - I simply put my faith in our lines of communication. I think that we will be able to handle those kinds of things as life marches on.  It will certainly be difficult to come to an agreement  but again, I think that we can all be considerate.  I'm even pretty sure that if one or the other need a little more time (or even ME!!), then we will be able to work out something that allows all of us to feel comfortable. I have lots of faith in what we share.

I'd be really happy to answer questions regarding any of this stuff.  I believe in this life, and I love what I have.


Wrapping up, I suppose. Here is a toast, to starting new lives, to having new homes, and for the very best to those I love.

Without the trust and understanding of two very incredible women, all of this would simply be another life.  Instead, it is truly magical. Onward and upward to the future.  I don't know where it leads either, but this road rarely traveled sure has some beautiful scenery.

Thank you.

I love you both.

Coming Home

One of the more difficult parts of long-distance relationships is the goodbye at the end of the trip.  It's never easy in any circumstance, and certainly not here, but there's a twist. This goodbye also ends in a hello. Polyamory sometimes comes across as something other than the beautiful, caring thing that it really is.  But here, nearing the sadnessof goodbye, I am also faced with another joyful hello.

I have said many times recently that the presence of one heart does not make the absence of the other any easier. I miss each one, I long to feel that closeness and be near to the melodious sounds of my love's voice. Each of them. It's so damned hard to say hello without remembering that there was just a goodbye. It seems so easy to some who do not understand, but it is far from that.  There is the aching, the stinging, and the sense of loss that comes with each goodbye.  There is, of course, also the joyous elation of each hello, as well. That warm sense of tenderness with that very first hug, that very first kiss.  It is beauty in sadness. The easy solution, as so stated to me from time to time, is to choose one. But would it be easy for you to choose one of your children over the other?  I didn't think so. Each is loved completely. Each a part of you.  The case is the same here.

Instead, I will embrace each heart as I do, I will love and care as I do. And I will miss each heart as I do.  But I will also be so very grateful for that first embrace, that first gaze into loving eyes.

In this case, coming home means leaving home. Just as it did a week ago. Just as it will over and over again.

Tadaima.

(the image is shared from a facebook posting - if it's yours, just ask and I'll take it down)

The Feast of Samhain

Autumn blooms
the wheel goes 'round
into the darkness
we are bound
in solemn gait
the veil lies thin
this world and theirs
this Feast begins

To all those who celebrate something greater than just dragging the kids around to get candy from the neighbors, I offer you a warm, honest, and deeply meant 'Blessed Samhain'. To my family, East and West, I offer my heart, and I wish for the day when all of those I care for are at peace with the dead. Last night, I sat with my West coast family and ate well. We brought memories to a table together, and laughed as much as reminisced. It was beautiful in it's simplicity, and it was so good to sit with these people I call brothers, and sister, and nephew.  It was a joy to bring my long-time traditions to a new family.

I love you all.

And I miss those only able to be here, at our table, in spirit.

And to my family back East, you were here as well.  I kept you close to my heart, each of you, and shared the night.  My friends, my sister and brother, my niece and nephews, my mother. All those I cannot or did not name, YOU were here, with me, as you are all part of me.

The Feast of Samhain awaits.

My love to you.

Blessed Be!

(Image is Snap Apple Night by Daniel Maclise 1833)

Another Flight

I fly West. The Airbus A320 carries me and my bags toward the setting sun once again, and my day becomes 27 hours. I don't mind, since I am streaking along at about 450 mph. It's exhilarating, as you all know, that rush of the takeoff...the way the multi-ton airframe pivots so delicately on it's wing tips...I love it all.

I also love that my life has become more interesting as of late.  If you read this blog, you know how I live, and it is so freeing to be able to begin working towards a future with those I love.  Slowly, with a light step -  but it IS movement forward.  It's so beautiful to experience trust and honesty at such a high level.  It feels so right to be able to see relationships blossom through hard work, and faith that it can work well as long as communication remains open. Love blossoms again, and hope springs forth, bringing with it the chance to be loved again as never before, and never as imagined.

Here's to goodbyes and homecomings.  Here's to kindness and understanding. Here's to new beginnings and second chances on love.

Huzzah!

Holding those I love close to me with open hands, I fly West.  And I have both a kiss goodbye and a kiss hello waiting on each side of this flight.  How perfect is that?

<3 <3

Serenade

Beautiful the hourglass before me
Pale by moon's soft light
Caressed in gentle stroking
Curves bring eyes delight
An' in the morn by sunlight
Kiss'd in blissful song
Stroking sleep-soft shoulders
My heart aching, longs.
For love is the grace of pleasure
Being held by caring arms
Trapped happily in your gaze
I surrender to your charms

To Remember

It seems so very long ago that my father died.  Cancer took him from us without mercy or kindness or understanding.  It took him from my mother's side, from our family's table, and from our children's lives forever.  It didn't ask if it would be okay, nor did it send us a little note after we buried him saying it was sorry for the chain of events that led up to him departing this world.

Cancer just fucking killed him.

We have memories, and we tell his stories, some of which still make ALL of us laugh out together - the Swedish Chef, Marie bring me a trash bag, his painting adventures, all the junk that the man drove around in, and so many others.  Without question, someone brings him to the table for our annual Samhain Dumb Supper, where we honor our dead. We talk about him, and we notice the holes he left in our lives when he left.  We all miss him...each of us in our own way, and we all think about him whenever we gather for the holidays.  Now, understand that the man was not the model of healthy living. He smoked cigarettes and drank coffee like a truck driver (well, actually he WAS a truck driver for most of my life, but that's sort of beside the point here). He didn't frequent doctor's offices much, either, which might have been a factor in his death. He really didn't take very good care of himself at all.

BUT

He took good care of us.  We didn't learn a lot about saving for the future, nor about making good career choices, or even about being open-minded. Instead he taught us about caring for the children, about seeing that there was fun in life, and that his family could actually have that.  He was a loving man without the emotional vocabulary to fully express it.  But he loved us, all of us, and wanted us all to have a better life than he ever had.  And so, we did.  But sadly, we had to live it without him.

I remember my father, as he would have appreciated, and I miss him.

Robert O. LaBelle
10.14.1946 - 8.10.1993

Little Kindnesses

When I was a younger man, a dear friend of mine did something extraordinary. Let me share the story with you...

Somewhere in the late spring of 1986, I came down with Strep Throat.  It fell upon me, as it usually does, with a high fever and those really awful body aches. I spent some time in bed.  On this certain day, I opened my eyes late in the morning to see my wonderful friend sitting by my bedside, reading his book (Very well might have been Harlan Ellison's Deathbird Stories, but I can't be completely sure of that), and waiting patiently for me to rise.  He had ditched school to be there with me. My mother would check in from time to time and I would dreamily hear him tell her that I was okay and no, he didn't want something to eat.  It was incredibly selfless of him to do this for me, and I cherish the memory of that act.  I also use it as a guidepost to how to treat others.

We are long-grown now, but I still see him and we are still fast friends, close and comfortable - the way good friendships should be.  But I still carry the impact of that act with me through life, and I recognize the importance of those things, those little kindnesses that we can give so freely and cost us nothing except maybe a few moments out of our own lives.  Things like listening, and being someone that others can count on in times of need, and being a shoulder when things are really tough. Simple things like cornering someone at a party and making sure that they are really as okay as they say.  A cup of coffee with a friend, or even just a text message to say good morning.  These things we can do add a richness to our relationships with others, and sometimes open up conversations that reveal more of a person than they would have ever dared show to you.  Life should be about being good to the people you care about, don't you think?

And besides, sometimes sitting quietly while a sick friend sleeps is more rewarding than anything.

<3 <3